Lately, I have been really good about complaining. It is easy. There is a lot to complain about. Every day, in fact, it seems there is something new I could complain about.
But I need to stop.
I don't like complainer me. I like joyful me. I like the person I am when I am assuming the best of people, not picking out their flaws. I like the person I am when I am encouraging others, not complaining to them about everything. I really need to find that person again.
The Author
- Niki
- I am a high school English teacher, and mother of two charming little ones of my own. I teach in a high poverty urban charter school, while I live in a typical American suburb that has frequently been rated one of the safest cities in the country. It is a paradox I struggle with constantly, but it is my life.
Monday, February 28, 2011
Sunday, February 27, 2011
I have turned into my mother...
Today, as I was getting ready, I was thinking through my day. This is something I often do; it is kind of a way to help me focus on the various tasks on my list. Today's list includes rehearsal, DK, church, lunch, grocery shopping, insane amounts of laundry, dinner with my parents and then prepping crock pot dinner for tomorrow before I go to bed. I'd also love to fit in a trip to the gym with Mo and some lesson planning for this week, but I wonder if there are enough hours in the day.
So then I start thinking about my mom... and my childhood. Every Sunday, my mom would rush around all day frantically doing laundry and cleaning the house and readying things for the week. When I think back to Sundays, I recall them as an overall time of stress for my mom. I honestly remember trying to stay out of her way to avoid getting put to work.
When I got married, I remember thinking, "I will never have sundays like that. Sundays should be the sabbath... a day of REST." For the first few years, this worked well. We would go to church, do lunch with friends, then come home and take a nap. Those times were sweet. We'd get up in time to head to my parents for dinner. We'd bring a load of laundry with us to take advantage of machines that didn't require quarters and we'd put it away when we got home, then watch our favorite shows before bed.
Then we had kids...
Now, the laundry is a neverending battle that I always seem to be losing. When I was 20, ten o'clock at night after class seemed like a perfectly good time to grocery shop. Nowadays, the weekdays are a whirlwind, and I do my best to tread water and keep my head above water. Ten o'clock at night is time for frantic lesson planning, not grocery shopping. Needless to say, Sundays have become a much needed time to catch my breath and get things under control for the week. I have become my mom.
I am starting to get the weekdays under control, but it involves a lot of focus on the weekends. I think there will be much less frantic lesson planning at night, but I do not forsee Sunday afternoon naps returning to our routine any time in the near future
Thursday, February 24, 2011
I Want to be a Teacher When I Grow Up
"Mommy, I changed my mind," my son informed me on the drive home today, "I don't want to be a train conductor when I grow up. I want to be a teacher." Considering that both Marc and I are in the field of education, and considering that he plays school in his room with his toys all the time, this was not exactly a shocker... but it did make me smile. :-)
Today in my English classes, we were doing impromptu persuasive speeches. The kids pulled topics out of a hat and then had 1 minute to prepare and 1 minute to speak on the topic they pulled. One student pulled, "The key to having a happy life is...." She declared that the key to having a happy life is doing what you love. According to my sweet 15 year old student, "You can do something you hate and make a bunch of money, or you can do something you love, regardless of the money, and be really happy; it's better to choose happiness." I give each of the students a little slip of paper with their score and my comments. On the bottom of her paper I wrote, "You are very right. It is the key to my happiness."
And it truly is. I am happy. Tired... but happy. This week is a student summit for the network of international schools that my school is a part of (ISSN). Two schools from New York brought a group of their students out here, and we have been doing activities with our students and the other two ISSN schools here in the LA area. One of my co-workers and I brought 8 students down to Inglewood last night to have dinner with the students and staff members from the other schools. We had a great Mexican food banquet at a neat little restaurant with some great charm. It was a fun night. Our students were great! They were good about not just sitting with each other, and they actually really talked to and got to know the students from the other schools. I was proud of them.
Today, our school hosted all of the schools. I basically coordinated it all, which was exhausting, but fun. The teachers went around and observed classes, while the students were paired with our students of similar grades and they went to class with these students. I had a cute little 7th grade boy in my drama class during 6th period. Turns out the kid is actually an actor who has even been on TV. There was a student absent today, so he even got to fill in for a role. I think he had fun. My favorite part of the whole day was probably at the end of the day, watching the kids run around to get phone numbers, email addresses, pictures, Facebook info, etc., from all their new friends. I think it would just be so neat if the students kept in touch with their new friends from Manhattan. :-)
I have a really cool job. I'm glad my son wants to follow in my footsteps.
Today in my English classes, we were doing impromptu persuasive speeches. The kids pulled topics out of a hat and then had 1 minute to prepare and 1 minute to speak on the topic they pulled. One student pulled, "The key to having a happy life is...." She declared that the key to having a happy life is doing what you love. According to my sweet 15 year old student, "You can do something you hate and make a bunch of money, or you can do something you love, regardless of the money, and be really happy; it's better to choose happiness." I give each of the students a little slip of paper with their score and my comments. On the bottom of her paper I wrote, "You are very right. It is the key to my happiness."
And it truly is. I am happy. Tired... but happy. This week is a student summit for the network of international schools that my school is a part of (ISSN). Two schools from New York brought a group of their students out here, and we have been doing activities with our students and the other two ISSN schools here in the LA area. One of my co-workers and I brought 8 students down to Inglewood last night to have dinner with the students and staff members from the other schools. We had a great Mexican food banquet at a neat little restaurant with some great charm. It was a fun night. Our students were great! They were good about not just sitting with each other, and they actually really talked to and got to know the students from the other schools. I was proud of them.
Today, our school hosted all of the schools. I basically coordinated it all, which was exhausting, but fun. The teachers went around and observed classes, while the students were paired with our students of similar grades and they went to class with these students. I had a cute little 7th grade boy in my drama class during 6th period. Turns out the kid is actually an actor who has even been on TV. There was a student absent today, so he even got to fill in for a role. I think he had fun. My favorite part of the whole day was probably at the end of the day, watching the kids run around to get phone numbers, email addresses, pictures, Facebook info, etc., from all their new friends. I think it would just be so neat if the students kept in touch with their new friends from Manhattan. :-)
I have a really cool job. I'm glad my son wants to follow in my footsteps.
Monday, February 21, 2011
Waste not, want not
A confession. When I found out I was pregnant a year ago, I cried. I cried a lot. It was just not good timing, in so many ways. Life had just been getting easier, and I knew that having a baby was not something we were ready for. And we weren't.
But God wanted Tiana to exist... and she is a blessing. I am so very blessed to be her mother, and to have my perfect little family of four, even though this new addition to our family has definitely meant some changes in our lifestyle. In many ways, it has been a much needed wake-up call.
I did my best to scramble all year long to get as ready as possible. I saved all my bonuses and income from side jobs, so there would be money for maternity leave (I don't get paid disability). I researched day cares and found the best one that would meet our needs for the cheapest price. I tried to mentally prepare myself for what was to come, but, I knew it would be like this- when paying for day care for two children is eating up every spare penny and any unexpected costs have the potential to just ruin us for a few weeks or months.
And it has come. This week, in fact. Some unexpected costs have eaten up the savings much quicker than I thought and we are "scraping the bottom of the barrel." I withdrew the last of the savings account on Friday. It was a sobering feeling to have the safety net gone.
If anything, it has shown me how much we wasted before. I have become VERY good at using everything to its full potential. It used to be that if there was nothing I really wanted for lunch in the house, I'd just run through a drive-thru, but today that was just not an option. Marc gets paid on the 20th, but since that was Sunday, he got paid today. It is a bank holiday. This means waiting one day extra to deposit/cash the check. I have our finances so precisely budgeted right now that an extra day was kind of a problem, particularly with the road trip we took to the family reunion this past weekend. So, today, I am making do. I had a bowl of rice crispies for lunch. I thought they were too old, but I checked the expiration date and lo and behold... still good.
Angel Food has been an AMAZING blessing during this time in our lives. It is a nationwide nonprofit food co-op where they buy food in bulk at ultra low prices and break it down into smaller packages to sell. The box we buy is $31. It comes once a month, and this box has lasted us literally the whole month for dinner. It has required some supplementing, but not much. We eat dinner at home about 4-5 nights per week, so I imagine if we ate at home all 7 nights it would maybe be a bit harder to stretch it that far, but it could be done. Let me tell you, it feels really good to fill the freezer completely full when that box comes. It is a feeling of security during a time when I am feeling very insecure.
Eating like this has involved a changed perspective and some creativity on my part though. I am a somewhat picky eater, but I have forced myself to use every single thing that came in the box. It just involves thinking outside of the box to cook things in a way that I will want to eat them. This week is the last week from the box we bought in January and I have been trying really hard to come up with things to make from what is left. I've basically got half a pound of sweet Italian sausage, 1.5lbs of meatballs, 2 chicken breasts, a few chicken tenders, some frozen waffle fries, and a lot of frozen veggies. I was trying to figure out dinner tonight without much supplementing, and I came up with meatball soup. I only had to buy an onion and a couple of boxes of broth. A HUGE batch of soup is now slow cooking on my counter, and it is going to be delicious. Plus... it will last for days. :-)
As hard as the past few months have been, and more so, as hard as the next few months are going to be, I am grateful for what the change has opened my eyes to- being less wasteful and saving more when things are good.
But God wanted Tiana to exist... and she is a blessing. I am so very blessed to be her mother, and to have my perfect little family of four, even though this new addition to our family has definitely meant some changes in our lifestyle. In many ways, it has been a much needed wake-up call.
I did my best to scramble all year long to get as ready as possible. I saved all my bonuses and income from side jobs, so there would be money for maternity leave (I don't get paid disability). I researched day cares and found the best one that would meet our needs for the cheapest price. I tried to mentally prepare myself for what was to come, but, I knew it would be like this- when paying for day care for two children is eating up every spare penny and any unexpected costs have the potential to just ruin us for a few weeks or months.
And it has come. This week, in fact. Some unexpected costs have eaten up the savings much quicker than I thought and we are "scraping the bottom of the barrel." I withdrew the last of the savings account on Friday. It was a sobering feeling to have the safety net gone.
If anything, it has shown me how much we wasted before. I have become VERY good at using everything to its full potential. It used to be that if there was nothing I really wanted for lunch in the house, I'd just run through a drive-thru, but today that was just not an option. Marc gets paid on the 20th, but since that was Sunday, he got paid today. It is a bank holiday. This means waiting one day extra to deposit/cash the check. I have our finances so precisely budgeted right now that an extra day was kind of a problem, particularly with the road trip we took to the family reunion this past weekend. So, today, I am making do. I had a bowl of rice crispies for lunch. I thought they were too old, but I checked the expiration date and lo and behold... still good.
Angel Food has been an AMAZING blessing during this time in our lives. It is a nationwide nonprofit food co-op where they buy food in bulk at ultra low prices and break it down into smaller packages to sell. The box we buy is $31. It comes once a month, and this box has lasted us literally the whole month for dinner. It has required some supplementing, but not much. We eat dinner at home about 4-5 nights per week, so I imagine if we ate at home all 7 nights it would maybe be a bit harder to stretch it that far, but it could be done. Let me tell you, it feels really good to fill the freezer completely full when that box comes. It is a feeling of security during a time when I am feeling very insecure.
Eating like this has involved a changed perspective and some creativity on my part though. I am a somewhat picky eater, but I have forced myself to use every single thing that came in the box. It just involves thinking outside of the box to cook things in a way that I will want to eat them. This week is the last week from the box we bought in January and I have been trying really hard to come up with things to make from what is left. I've basically got half a pound of sweet Italian sausage, 1.5lbs of meatballs, 2 chicken breasts, a few chicken tenders, some frozen waffle fries, and a lot of frozen veggies. I was trying to figure out dinner tonight without much supplementing, and I came up with meatball soup. I only had to buy an onion and a couple of boxes of broth. A HUGE batch of soup is now slow cooking on my counter, and it is going to be delicious. Plus... it will last for days. :-)
As hard as the past few months have been, and more so, as hard as the next few months are going to be, I am grateful for what the change has opened my eyes to- being less wasteful and saving more when things are good.
Monday, February 14, 2011
Healing Just Means It Doesn't Hurt Every Day
Grief is a strange thing. Unlike physical pain, healing doesn't mean the pain goes away. It just means it doesn't hurt every day, but there are still some days when it hurts a lot- hurts fresh hurt.
Late Christmas is this weekend. SO much has changed in the last 10 years in my extended family. This year will be very different, since like EVERYONE in the family had a baby this year (literally 5 babies). It is kind of exciting thinking about that.
But then I started thinking about the worst change of the last 10 years... the one person who will never be at late Christmas again... Jimmy. He died from multiple organ failure from pancreatitis in December of 2004. I was thinking about him yesterday when Marc was mentioning that he wants a DVD player for his birthday (our is broken). I thought about the Christmas in 2002 when I was an "adult" for the first time and was in the drawing for names for gifts. I drew Jimmy. Jimmy and I had become quite close. He had moved to Northridge a few years before that and sort of become like a big brother to me. I really wanted to get something good, partly because I wanted him to have something nice and, honestly, partly just because I wanted to be like, "See, I am an adult- I buy good gifts!" I remembered that a few weeks before that my parents had offered to lend Jimmy a DVD he wanted to see and he said, "Thanks, but I don't have a DVD player." By then, these were pretty common items, so that was kind of odd, but they were still pretty expensive. When I pulled Jimmy's name in the drawing, I remembered this, and decided I would watch the ads until I found a good deal.
I'll never forget when he opened it. He had this total look of shock on his face. I think he was surprised that I remembered he needed one, surprised that his 19 year old cousin bought him something that expensive, and kind of surprised that I drew his name.... 'cause he drew mine too. He got me a really nice bath set from Bath and Body Works. It was Sweet Pea. I will always have an emotional attachment to that scent because it makes me think of him.
When Jimmy died and we cleaned out his apartment, I saw that DVD player, and I cried a lot. I think my sister ended up taking it home since she didn't have one.
I am really looking forward to late Christmas this weekend. But right now... it hurts to think about the fact that Jimmy will never again be there to share it with us.
Late Christmas is this weekend. SO much has changed in the last 10 years in my extended family. This year will be very different, since like EVERYONE in the family had a baby this year (literally 5 babies). It is kind of exciting thinking about that.
But then I started thinking about the worst change of the last 10 years... the one person who will never be at late Christmas again... Jimmy. He died from multiple organ failure from pancreatitis in December of 2004. I was thinking about him yesterday when Marc was mentioning that he wants a DVD player for his birthday (our is broken). I thought about the Christmas in 2002 when I was an "adult" for the first time and was in the drawing for names for gifts. I drew Jimmy. Jimmy and I had become quite close. He had moved to Northridge a few years before that and sort of become like a big brother to me. I really wanted to get something good, partly because I wanted him to have something nice and, honestly, partly just because I wanted to be like, "See, I am an adult- I buy good gifts!" I remembered that a few weeks before that my parents had offered to lend Jimmy a DVD he wanted to see and he said, "Thanks, but I don't have a DVD player." By then, these were pretty common items, so that was kind of odd, but they were still pretty expensive. When I pulled Jimmy's name in the drawing, I remembered this, and decided I would watch the ads until I found a good deal.
I'll never forget when he opened it. He had this total look of shock on his face. I think he was surprised that I remembered he needed one, surprised that his 19 year old cousin bought him something that expensive, and kind of surprised that I drew his name.... 'cause he drew mine too. He got me a really nice bath set from Bath and Body Works. It was Sweet Pea. I will always have an emotional attachment to that scent because it makes me think of him.
When Jimmy died and we cleaned out his apartment, I saw that DVD player, and I cried a lot. I think my sister ended up taking it home since she didn't have one.
I am really looking forward to late Christmas this weekend. But right now... it hurts to think about the fact that Jimmy will never again be there to share it with us.
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Much to Blog About Today :-)
If you were looking for some exciting news or something (upon seeing that title), I am sorry to disappoint- nothing really exciting to say, just a lot of thoughts in my head.
So, yesterday was a wonderful day. Upon trying to squeeze Tiana into a 3 month outfit (that fit perfectly last week) and realizing it wasn't really working, I decided it was time to move up a size. I dug out the box of bigger clothes and hung up all the stuff that will fit her now. I have a lot because I have gifts from my shower that are that size (Amber, so excited to finally put the cute pink shirt and purple peace sign shirt on her now!), and a lot of hand-me-downs from my cousins and various friends. It was wonderfully exciting- kind of like coming home from a shopping spree without spending any money. It was odd that when I was looking at some of the clothes I was thinking, "This looks too big for her," but then I would go hold it up next to her and realize it would totally fit. Its like the picture I have in my head of her is smaller than she actually is. When I look at her, she looks so big to me all of a sudden.
Then, Marc and Vinny and Tiana had a wonderful time together playing outside in the morning while I got dressed. They were so cute. Vinny has a tree swing out front now that he could spend hours on, and Marc dragged Tiana's activity mat out front so she could enjoy the beautiful sunny day too. Eventually, we headed out and decided to treat ourselves to Panera for lunch since our tax return came. We brought it to the park for a picnic. So beautiful. Tiana just loves the sun, so it was nice for all of us. Afterward, we had some shopping to do for late Christmas. (My extended family celebrates Christmas in February). Since Vinny has been such a good boy all week, we bought him his one request- a new CD to play in the CD player in his room. Guess what he picked? The Princess and the Frog soundtrack. This kid loves jazz and zydeco more than anyone I have ever met except my mother-in-law. The only other CD he listens to is a Mardi Gras mix I bought last year. He has been singing "going down the bayou" all day. He sure has Cajun blood all right. He said he wants to have his birthday at the bayou in Pirates of the Caribbean at Disneyland. Expensive request for a 5-year-old, but I think we may be able to make that happen if I get a good bonus in July.
Anyway... back to yesterday. As we were out shopping, we saw a sign for "Free Smartphones" at T-Mobile. We didn't think we were eligible for the full discount upgrade yet, but I called customer service to check, and it sure is a good thing I did. We were eligible, and the sale was that day only! So, we spent an hour at the very crowded T-Mobile store, but walked out with brand new phones. I got a really nice Droid that has a touch screen and a slide out keyboard- best of both worlds. I never thought I would turn to the smartphone side really, but this was too good a deal to pass up. If any phone I picked was gonna be free... might as well go for the nicest one. It has taken a little getting used to, but I like it a lot. Once I figure out how to blog on the internet thing, I think y'all will be seeing more pictures on here now. Its just been so long since I have had a phone with a camera I have to get back in the mindset of actually being able to take pictures of things quickly.
Last night was the cherry on the top of an awesome day. Marc and I got to go on a date. My favorite restaurant- Cheesecake Factory (thank you Grandma Wanda for that one!)- and a movie. I love that combination, especially since I always get the cheesecake to go and then sneak it into the movie. If there is one thing better than popcorn at the movies, it is Godiva Chocolate cheesecake. Seriously.
In other news... I have been able to return caffeine to my diet. This has been a very exciting thing for me. I have started drinking it in little bits to see if it bothers Tiana and the verdict is no. However... I thought perhaps her stomach was just not as sensitive now, so I had several glasses of lemonade last night at dinner (I love the fresh lemonade at Cheesecake Factory). Citrus= uber cranky baby. Oh well... I guess if I had to choose between caffeine and citrus to avoid for the next 7 months, I'd choose citrus.
The only negative to going out last night was coming home to be reminded about everything in our house that doesn't work. See, I get very used to dealing with all the problems of being a broke homeowner, but when your parents come over to babysit , it is easy to forget to tell them that the dishwasher, the kitchen faucet, and the DVD player don't work, although they figured it all out. At least they didn't have to use the shower or the garage door opener. Both of those are barely working. Well...someday. Little by little. The biggest loss of all of this is honestly the DVD player. It broke Wednesday. This wouldn't be that big of a deal since we have streaming netflix, showtime on demand, and a dvr, but Baby Mozart is only available on DVD. No baby mozart= no showers for mommy when daddy is not home. Totally not kidding. That is the only way I ever get a shower when I am home with them alone.
Well, better go get dressed. Almost time for church! My dad's character in Discovery Kidz has a good sketch today, so I don't want to miss it.
So, yesterday was a wonderful day. Upon trying to squeeze Tiana into a 3 month outfit (that fit perfectly last week) and realizing it wasn't really working, I decided it was time to move up a size. I dug out the box of bigger clothes and hung up all the stuff that will fit her now. I have a lot because I have gifts from my shower that are that size (Amber, so excited to finally put the cute pink shirt and purple peace sign shirt on her now!), and a lot of hand-me-downs from my cousins and various friends. It was wonderfully exciting- kind of like coming home from a shopping spree without spending any money. It was odd that when I was looking at some of the clothes I was thinking, "This looks too big for her," but then I would go hold it up next to her and realize it would totally fit. Its like the picture I have in my head of her is smaller than she actually is. When I look at her, she looks so big to me all of a sudden.
Then, Marc and Vinny and Tiana had a wonderful time together playing outside in the morning while I got dressed. They were so cute. Vinny has a tree swing out front now that he could spend hours on, and Marc dragged Tiana's activity mat out front so she could enjoy the beautiful sunny day too. Eventually, we headed out and decided to treat ourselves to Panera for lunch since our tax return came. We brought it to the park for a picnic. So beautiful. Tiana just loves the sun, so it was nice for all of us. Afterward, we had some shopping to do for late Christmas. (My extended family celebrates Christmas in February). Since Vinny has been such a good boy all week, we bought him his one request- a new CD to play in the CD player in his room. Guess what he picked? The Princess and the Frog soundtrack. This kid loves jazz and zydeco more than anyone I have ever met except my mother-in-law. The only other CD he listens to is a Mardi Gras mix I bought last year. He has been singing "going down the bayou" all day. He sure has Cajun blood all right. He said he wants to have his birthday at the bayou in Pirates of the Caribbean at Disneyland. Expensive request for a 5-year-old, but I think we may be able to make that happen if I get a good bonus in July.
Anyway... back to yesterday. As we were out shopping, we saw a sign for "Free Smartphones" at T-Mobile. We didn't think we were eligible for the full discount upgrade yet, but I called customer service to check, and it sure is a good thing I did. We were eligible, and the sale was that day only! So, we spent an hour at the very crowded T-Mobile store, but walked out with brand new phones. I got a really nice Droid that has a touch screen and a slide out keyboard- best of both worlds. I never thought I would turn to the smartphone side really, but this was too good a deal to pass up. If any phone I picked was gonna be free... might as well go for the nicest one. It has taken a little getting used to, but I like it a lot. Once I figure out how to blog on the internet thing, I think y'all will be seeing more pictures on here now. Its just been so long since I have had a phone with a camera I have to get back in the mindset of actually being able to take pictures of things quickly.
Last night was the cherry on the top of an awesome day. Marc and I got to go on a date. My favorite restaurant- Cheesecake Factory (thank you Grandma Wanda for that one!)- and a movie. I love that combination, especially since I always get the cheesecake to go and then sneak it into the movie. If there is one thing better than popcorn at the movies, it is Godiva Chocolate cheesecake. Seriously.
In other news... I have been able to return caffeine to my diet. This has been a very exciting thing for me. I have started drinking it in little bits to see if it bothers Tiana and the verdict is no. However... I thought perhaps her stomach was just not as sensitive now, so I had several glasses of lemonade last night at dinner (I love the fresh lemonade at Cheesecake Factory). Citrus= uber cranky baby. Oh well... I guess if I had to choose between caffeine and citrus to avoid for the next 7 months, I'd choose citrus.
The only negative to going out last night was coming home to be reminded about everything in our house that doesn't work. See, I get very used to dealing with all the problems of being a broke homeowner, but when your parents come over to babysit , it is easy to forget to tell them that the dishwasher, the kitchen faucet, and the DVD player don't work, although they figured it all out. At least they didn't have to use the shower or the garage door opener. Both of those are barely working. Well...someday. Little by little. The biggest loss of all of this is honestly the DVD player. It broke Wednesday. This wouldn't be that big of a deal since we have streaming netflix, showtime on demand, and a dvr, but Baby Mozart is only available on DVD. No baby mozart= no showers for mommy when daddy is not home. Totally not kidding. That is the only way I ever get a shower when I am home with them alone.
Well, better go get dressed. Almost time for church! My dad's character in Discovery Kidz has a good sketch today, so I don't want to miss it.
Friday, February 11, 2011
What a Week!
Whew! What a week!
I worked really hard this week at starting to balance my time at work and home by not bringing papers home during the week and doing a minimal amount of emailing and whatnot for school in the evenings. I even forced myself to leave early on Wednesday and Thursday, so I got to Tiana at 5:00 on Wednesday and 5:30 on Thursday. Today was not so luck though. We had auditions for the Spring show this week. It is a night of social justice one acts. I have enlisted student directors for each play. Today, we met to decide the cast of each show. Oh my gosh was that hard! Casting a show is normally hard for me (I hate disappointing people, which makes the casting element of teaching drama very difficult), but this was an entirely different role. I basically played the mediator and adviser between the 3 directors. The best actors were wanted by everyone, of course, so it was hard to choose who fit where. The funny thing was, there was one very tough battle where two directors both wanted the same guy for their leading male role. The amusing part is... this student wrote on his audition form that he only wanted a small part! But then he came in for his audition and blew us all away with how great he was! It took an hour and a half, but we got it done.
Drama keeps me SO, SO busy. Managing the financial aspect of it alone is hard. We deal in cash only- our school doesn't have a booster club- so I have to collect cash from fundraisers and ticket sales, store it in a safe, and take out the portions I need when I need to pay bills or buy something for drama. The hard part is keeping it out of my bank account. I don't want it to ever look like personal income if I get audited, so I buy cashier checks every time I need to pay a bill and pre-paid credit cards when I need to buy something online. It is a challenge to say the least.
Unfortunately, deciding to just not take home work all week has its repercussions... like a ton of work to do this weekend. When I looked at my to-do list at the end of the day today, there were more things still to do than crossed off, and most of them are needed to be ready for next week, so work came home today. At least I have the whole weekend.
My cutie boys are cuddled up together on the couch next to me fast asleep. Vinny is totally spooning with Marc. SO adorable.
:-)
I worked really hard this week at starting to balance my time at work and home by not bringing papers home during the week and doing a minimal amount of emailing and whatnot for school in the evenings. I even forced myself to leave early on Wednesday and Thursday, so I got to Tiana at 5:00 on Wednesday and 5:30 on Thursday. Today was not so luck though. We had auditions for the Spring show this week. It is a night of social justice one acts. I have enlisted student directors for each play. Today, we met to decide the cast of each show. Oh my gosh was that hard! Casting a show is normally hard for me (I hate disappointing people, which makes the casting element of teaching drama very difficult), but this was an entirely different role. I basically played the mediator and adviser between the 3 directors. The best actors were wanted by everyone, of course, so it was hard to choose who fit where. The funny thing was, there was one very tough battle where two directors both wanted the same guy for their leading male role. The amusing part is... this student wrote on his audition form that he only wanted a small part! But then he came in for his audition and blew us all away with how great he was! It took an hour and a half, but we got it done.
Drama keeps me SO, SO busy. Managing the financial aspect of it alone is hard. We deal in cash only- our school doesn't have a booster club- so I have to collect cash from fundraisers and ticket sales, store it in a safe, and take out the portions I need when I need to pay bills or buy something for drama. The hard part is keeping it out of my bank account. I don't want it to ever look like personal income if I get audited, so I buy cashier checks every time I need to pay a bill and pre-paid credit cards when I need to buy something online. It is a challenge to say the least.
Unfortunately, deciding to just not take home work all week has its repercussions... like a ton of work to do this weekend. When I looked at my to-do list at the end of the day today, there were more things still to do than crossed off, and most of them are needed to be ready for next week, so work came home today. At least I have the whole weekend.
My cutie boys are cuddled up together on the couch next to me fast asleep. Vinny is totally spooning with Marc. SO adorable.
:-)
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Making Good Use
So pretty much the crappiest thing that can happen to a nursing mother happened to me today. Yesterday, one of my drama kids unplugged my refrigerator to plug in the microwave and forgot to plug the refrigerator back in. There was some condensation from the freezer defrosting, but other than that I didn't really notice that it wasn't that cold this morning. I noticed when I went to get my milk OUT of it this afternoon and realized that the fridge was completely warm, which meant that my milk had been unrefridgerated all day. I had to pour it out. So, so, so sad. At least I have some in the freezer, but seriously... what a WASTE. So, so, so sad about that.
I have so much going on at school right now and so many responsibilities and various things going on, but I am really trying to make good on my goal to gain some balance between home and school this year. I stayed afterschool today trying to get my lesson plans for tomorrow prepared, and I pretty much finished; I just didn't have time to photocopy the handout. I would normally just do it in the morning, but now I have to bring Tiana in the morning, and her daycare opens at 7, which puts me at school right as the passing bell is ringing, so it is going to be a hectic morning. Plus, I didn't leave campus until 5:30, which meant I was racing with the clock to get to daycare by 6:00pm. At least I would have been able to declare myself free from school work this evening, if it weren't for BTSA that is. Ah BTSA... how I hate you. I am so close to being done, but I have like 4-5 pages to get done tonight. (It is all due on Thursday).
Last night was rough. I was SO tired at like 10:00pm, and then Tiana didn't sleep well at all. She was up off and on all night. It was exhausting and I woke up totally not at all feeling rested. I need a better night tonight. Hopefully she cooperates.
I have been trying desperately to get on top of things financially this year and pay off our debts, even in spite of putting out about $1000 a month for childcare. I believe we are going to be able to do it, but it has taken some sacrifices and changes in the way that we live. Instead of shopping at Trader Joe's for mainly organic foods (although I am quite the bargain shopper in planning), we decided to go even cheaper and buy a food box from AngelFood, a Christian food co-op. At first, I was afraid it would be crappy quality or old, but it is not. You can tell it was just all purchased in bulk and then separated into individual boxes. Hey, whatever... works for me. I am determined to stretch the $31 box as far as possible, which means trying to really use everything in the box. That meant figuring out something to do with the bone-in chicken... and with the 1 pound bag of dried northern white beans. I ended up giving in and deboning the chicken and making a white bean and chicken chili in the crock pot. It was actually pretty good. I was impressed. I am starting to understand what my great-grandmother went through in the Great Depression... nothing goes to waste.
I have so much going on at school right now and so many responsibilities and various things going on, but I am really trying to make good on my goal to gain some balance between home and school this year. I stayed afterschool today trying to get my lesson plans for tomorrow prepared, and I pretty much finished; I just didn't have time to photocopy the handout. I would normally just do it in the morning, but now I have to bring Tiana in the morning, and her daycare opens at 7, which puts me at school right as the passing bell is ringing, so it is going to be a hectic morning. Plus, I didn't leave campus until 5:30, which meant I was racing with the clock to get to daycare by 6:00pm. At least I would have been able to declare myself free from school work this evening, if it weren't for BTSA that is. Ah BTSA... how I hate you. I am so close to being done, but I have like 4-5 pages to get done tonight. (It is all due on Thursday).
Last night was rough. I was SO tired at like 10:00pm, and then Tiana didn't sleep well at all. She was up off and on all night. It was exhausting and I woke up totally not at all feeling rested. I need a better night tonight. Hopefully she cooperates.
I have been trying desperately to get on top of things financially this year and pay off our debts, even in spite of putting out about $1000 a month for childcare. I believe we are going to be able to do it, but it has taken some sacrifices and changes in the way that we live. Instead of shopping at Trader Joe's for mainly organic foods (although I am quite the bargain shopper in planning), we decided to go even cheaper and buy a food box from AngelFood, a Christian food co-op. At first, I was afraid it would be crappy quality or old, but it is not. You can tell it was just all purchased in bulk and then separated into individual boxes. Hey, whatever... works for me. I am determined to stretch the $31 box as far as possible, which means trying to really use everything in the box. That meant figuring out something to do with the bone-in chicken... and with the 1 pound bag of dried northern white beans. I ended up giving in and deboning the chicken and making a white bean and chicken chili in the crock pot. It was actually pretty good. I was impressed. I am starting to understand what my great-grandmother went through in the Great Depression... nothing goes to waste.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
Thoughts
It has been an interesting few days. I was a little bitter about not going on the trip at first, but I am getting over it. If I wouldn't have been here, I would have missed Tiana's little inch worm crawl. Its so cute. One could hardly call it really crawling, since she barely gets her tummy off the ground, but she gets from point a to point b, that's for sure. She just scrunches up her little butt, reaches her arms out, and flings herself forward, face first. It is so cute. She totally looks like a little caterpillar. This is all suddenly going so fast, it really feels like my little caterpillar is going to become a butterfly and flutter away in a matter of days.
The highlight of my week was finding out that my book project funded! I am going to create a bookstore experience in my classroom for my students! They are going to get to shop for books to keep. Books that they really want, that are brand new, that no one has owned before. That's really, really cool. I am so excited.
The leadership unit that I am doing with my honors students is getting to me too. There is a line in one of the chapters that is convicting me lately. It's sort of an old proverb of sorts, but it sticks. It says, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." It is so true and something I want very much to focus on more this semester. It is easy to show the more outgoing students that I care, but I often leave the more quiet students by the wayside. I am going to try really hard to show them I care too... because I really do.
I just wish everything in my life wasn't so darn busy. There is so much I would do if I had more time.
The highlight of my week was finding out that my book project funded! I am going to create a bookstore experience in my classroom for my students! They are going to get to shop for books to keep. Books that they really want, that are brand new, that no one has owned before. That's really, really cool. I am so excited.
The leadership unit that I am doing with my honors students is getting to me too. There is a line in one of the chapters that is convicting me lately. It's sort of an old proverb of sorts, but it sticks. It says, "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care." It is so true and something I want very much to focus on more this semester. It is easy to show the more outgoing students that I care, but I often leave the more quiet students by the wayside. I am going to try really hard to show them I care too... because I really do.
I just wish everything in my life wasn't so darn busy. There is so much I would do if I had more time.
Thursday, February 3, 2011
Expect the Unexpected
What a crazy week this has been! I was supposed to be going to Houston for a business trip, but as most of you are probably aware, like 75% of the country is frozen.... thus, trip canceled. I have mixed feelings about this. I was really looking forward to the trip, as I really appreciate the group of English teachers I was to meet with and the activities are always engaging. In that way, I am very sad about this. On the other hand, I am getting a crazy lot of stuff done at school today, so that is good. I was also having crazy anxiety about being away from Tiana for so long, so perhaps it is a good thing. Unfortunately, since my being able to go was because someone else had dropped out of the trip originally, I don't know if I will get to go when they reschedule in April, but if I do, it will probably be better at that point when Tiana is a little older. It is also really annoying that I saved up breastmilk for 6 weeks and now have 15 bottles defrosted in my refrigerator. Once you thaw milk, you are not supposed to re-freeze it (plus I mixed it with a little formula to make it stretch longer), so I need to either use it this weekend and just pump all weekend or something like that so it doesn't go to waste.
I know Vinny will be glad I am not going. He normally has no problem with me going out of town, but when I told him this morning in the car, he got seriously sad and was so choked up he could barely get the words out when he asked, "Why are you going?" I tried to explain I was going to work, but he didn't understand and kept asking "Why?" and then "Will you be back tomorrow?" Eek. I felt really bad. I think he is really craving time with me lately. Since I have all this extra milk now, maybe I will send Tiana with Marc tomorrow night and I will take Vinny to do something special.
In other crazy news, there is never a dull moment when you work with kids, which both my husband and I can attest to. I don't normally talk much about Marc's work, but while I have "140 kids, he has a good 30 or so of his own where he works. He is a much braver sole than I, as he works with the little ones. Yesterday, he got bit on the thigh by a young autistic kid. The kid bit him so hard it ripped through his jeans and punctured his skin. Like seriously punctured. He had to go to the doctor for it. You certainly have to be called to do the work he does.
One of my 140 kids today said something that threw me for a loop. We were watching a video clip from ABC Primetime's What Would You Do, and it was a scene where a store clerk makes a bunch of antisemitic remarks to a Jewish couple. I asked the kids to talk with a partner about what they would do if they witnessed the scene, then had some students share what their partners said. One kid actually said he would support the clerk. I clarified that he really meant he would support the one saying the hateful things and then asked why, and all I got was a shrug and "'cuz he's right." Oh my. I have work to do this semester.
I know Vinny will be glad I am not going. He normally has no problem with me going out of town, but when I told him this morning in the car, he got seriously sad and was so choked up he could barely get the words out when he asked, "Why are you going?" I tried to explain I was going to work, but he didn't understand and kept asking "Why?" and then "Will you be back tomorrow?" Eek. I felt really bad. I think he is really craving time with me lately. Since I have all this extra milk now, maybe I will send Tiana with Marc tomorrow night and I will take Vinny to do something special.
In other crazy news, there is never a dull moment when you work with kids, which both my husband and I can attest to. I don't normally talk much about Marc's work, but while I have "140 kids, he has a good 30 or so of his own where he works. He is a much braver sole than I, as he works with the little ones. Yesterday, he got bit on the thigh by a young autistic kid. The kid bit him so hard it ripped through his jeans and punctured his skin. Like seriously punctured. He had to go to the doctor for it. You certainly have to be called to do the work he does.
One of my 140 kids today said something that threw me for a loop. We were watching a video clip from ABC Primetime's What Would You Do, and it was a scene where a store clerk makes a bunch of antisemitic remarks to a Jewish couple. I asked the kids to talk with a partner about what they would do if they witnessed the scene, then had some students share what their partners said. One kid actually said he would support the clerk. I clarified that he really meant he would support the one saying the hateful things and then asked why, and all I got was a shrug and "'cuz he's right." Oh my. I have work to do this semester.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Building Tomorrow's Leaders
A little confession to make... my Honors class this year is totally my favorite class. A good teacher would say she doesn't have favorites, I suppose, but I can't help it. This is a great class. I freaking love these kids. These kids are totally the leaders of tomorrow. Something I have learned about myself over the past couple of years is that I truly have a passion for training and equipping leaders. I love to see students grow to be true leaders.
This is the second year that I have taught a unit on leadership using John C. Maxwell's "The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership." Last year, I tried to do this book with the entire sophomore class. This year, I decided to just do it with the students who already desire to be leaders- my honors class. I gave them the book to read, journal on, and discuss online over the 6 weeks of winter break. Their online discussions have been amazing! The true leaders, out of the class full of leaders, are coming to the surface, just through the online discussions. Let me share with you some quotes.
"If relationships are never built, a leader will never be able to ask for a helping hand and deserve it, because they never did anything for anyone or made the effort to show others that he/she cared." -J.V.
"I agree with Marco when he says that sometimes people are put in charge because of their popularity. Sometimes we don't notice it, but the people that do notice are the people with real leadership potential." -C.P
"The way that I determine the strongest learder in a group is by the way that they add value to others- if he/she is loyal to others, if the leader cares for his/her followers, if he/she is successful in their work, if the/she has the courage to say something when somethimg is wrong, and if they have respect for others, then that person is probably one of the strongest leaders." -K.G.
"A quick way a person can lose someones trust is by lying to them. Many people lie because they are afraid to say the truth. I personally hate when someone lies to you to make you happy. Its going to hurt even more on the long run." -S.L.
"Not many leaders strive for their best in creating a legacy. I think its because they are so preocupied with staying on top that they make hasty decisions." -D.C.
This is just a little sampling of some of the great insights they have had on leadership. (I wish I could share more, but a lot of their examples are personal and I wouldn't betray their privacy like that).
Doesn't reading stuff like this give you hope for the future of our country? :-)
This is the second year that I have taught a unit on leadership using John C. Maxwell's "The 21 Irrefutable Laws of Leadership." Last year, I tried to do this book with the entire sophomore class. This year, I decided to just do it with the students who already desire to be leaders- my honors class. I gave them the book to read, journal on, and discuss online over the 6 weeks of winter break. Their online discussions have been amazing! The true leaders, out of the class full of leaders, are coming to the surface, just through the online discussions. Let me share with you some quotes.
"If relationships are never built, a leader will never be able to ask for a helping hand and deserve it, because they never did anything for anyone or made the effort to show others that he/she cared." -J.V.
"I agree with Marco when he says that sometimes people are put in charge because of their popularity. Sometimes we don't notice it, but the people that do notice are the people with real leadership potential." -C.P
"The way that I determine the strongest learder in a group is by the way that they add value to others- if he/she is loyal to others, if the leader cares for his/her followers, if he/she is successful in their work, if the/she has the courage to say something when somethimg is wrong, and if they have respect for others, then that person is probably one of the strongest leaders." -K.G.
"A quick way a person can lose someones trust is by lying to them. Many people lie because they are afraid to say the truth. I personally hate when someone lies to you to make you happy. Its going to hurt even more on the long run." -S.L.
"Not many leaders strive for their best in creating a legacy. I think its because they are so preocupied with staying on top that they make hasty decisions." -D.C.
This is just a little sampling of some of the great insights they have had on leadership. (I wish I could share more, but a lot of their examples are personal and I wouldn't betray their privacy like that).
Doesn't reading stuff like this give you hope for the future of our country? :-)
Wednesday, January 26, 2011
Restaurant Style Barbecue Rolls
If you have ever eaten at Red's Barbecue in Simi, or at any of the Wood Ranch Barbecue restaurants (FYI... it always bothers me when people spell it "barbeque"), then you have probably overindulged in the deliciousness of their garlic rolls. If you have ever wished you could make them yourself... read on.
In carefully meal planning this week to use as many similar ingredients as possible while still having very different meals (trying to save money), I decide on asian style chicken lettuce wraps, minestrone soup, and barbecue chicken salad. Relatively healthy choices overall, except what is a barbecue chicken salad without garlic rolls, right?
So, I figured there were two options- buy a pack from Red's or make them myself. Since I had a loaf of leftover bread dough in the freezer, the economical choice seemed to be to make them myself. I was nervous that they wouldn't come out quite right, but I decided to just give it a shot. I'm glad I did. They were a huge success. Marc declared them better than either of the restaurant rolls.
Thus, I share with you my recipe. (Be forewarned, I don't like to measure anything).
1. Thaw a loaf of ready dough. You can buy it in the freezer section at Albertson's. It looks like this:
2. Thaw the dough according to the directions on the package (there is an option to microwave thaw it, in case you forget to do it overnight).
3. Cut the dough into 12 pieces and throw it in a big bowl.
4. Melt a few big spoonfuls of butter or margarine in the microwave.
5. Add a spoonful chopped garlic (depending on how much you love garlic). I recommend getting a jar of it pre-chopped garlic; this recipe uses a lot.
6. Add a spoonful of garlic powder and a spoonful of italian seasoning or parsley flakes, and mix it all together. Pour the mixture over the dough pieces in the bowl and stir to coat.
7. Place the rolls a few inches apart on a baking sheet sprayed with non-stick cooking spray (I highly recommend Trader Joe's olive oil spray).
8. Follow the "Quick Rise" instructions on the bread package (but don't worry if you don't have a full hour... even like 30 minutes is okay).
9. Preheat the oven to 375 and then bake them for 15 minutes.
10. Meanwhile, mix up a couple of spoonfuls of butter or margarine, about a 1/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil, and a few teaspoons of chopped garlic (depending on how much you love garlic), and about a tablespoon of Italian seasoning in the same big bowl you used before. Microwave it for about 30 seconds. Stir it altogether, then add a bunch of parmesan cheese.
11. Once the rolls are out of the oven, let them cool for a few minutes until they are cool enough to pick up. Put them in the bowl a couple at a time and stir to coat, making sure they each get to the bottom to get nice and coated, and they will start to sort of coat each other too.
12. Serve. YUM!
There you are. The secret to yummy, delicious, diet-destroying, garlic rolls. :-) (You can tell when I have had a totally rough day, because I decide to cook foods that soothe my soul).
In carefully meal planning this week to use as many similar ingredients as possible while still having very different meals (trying to save money), I decide on asian style chicken lettuce wraps, minestrone soup, and barbecue chicken salad. Relatively healthy choices overall, except what is a barbecue chicken salad without garlic rolls, right?
So, I figured there were two options- buy a pack from Red's or make them myself. Since I had a loaf of leftover bread dough in the freezer, the economical choice seemed to be to make them myself. I was nervous that they wouldn't come out quite right, but I decided to just give it a shot. I'm glad I did. They were a huge success. Marc declared them better than either of the restaurant rolls.
Thus, I share with you my recipe. (Be forewarned, I don't like to measure anything).1. Thaw a loaf of ready dough. You can buy it in the freezer section at Albertson's. It looks like this:
2. Thaw the dough according to the directions on the package (there is an option to microwave thaw it, in case you forget to do it overnight).
3. Cut the dough into 12 pieces and throw it in a big bowl.
4. Melt a few big spoonfuls of butter or margarine in the microwave.
5. Add a spoonful chopped garlic (depending on how much you love garlic). I recommend getting a jar of it pre-chopped garlic; this recipe uses a lot. 6. Add a spoonful of garlic powder and a spoonful of italian seasoning or parsley flakes, and mix it all together. Pour the mixture over the dough pieces in the bowl and stir to coat.
7. Place the rolls a few inches apart on a baking sheet sprayed with non-stick cooking spray (I highly recommend Trader Joe's olive oil spray).
8. Follow the "Quick Rise" instructions on the bread package (but don't worry if you don't have a full hour... even like 30 minutes is okay).
9. Preheat the oven to 375 and then bake them for 15 minutes.
10. Meanwhile, mix up a couple of spoonfuls of butter or margarine, about a 1/4 cup of extra virgin olive oil, and a few teaspoons of chopped garlic (depending on how much you love garlic), and about a tablespoon of Italian seasoning in the same big bowl you used before. Microwave it for about 30 seconds. Stir it altogether, then add a bunch of parmesan cheese.
11. Once the rolls are out of the oven, let them cool for a few minutes until they are cool enough to pick up. Put them in the bowl a couple at a time and stir to coat, making sure they each get to the bottom to get nice and coated, and they will start to sort of coat each other too.
12. Serve. YUM!
There you are. The secret to yummy, delicious, diet-destroying, garlic rolls. :-) (You can tell when I have had a totally rough day, because I decide to cook foods that soothe my soul).
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Motherhood is Just Tough
I know it get easier, and I know it is only a season in my life, but seriously... mothering small children is really, really tough. It starts out tough, and it doesn't get much easier.
My sister (who had her baby yesterday) is having a hard time getting the hang of breastfeeding, and she wants to. The baby latched improperly yesterday and she didn't really know it or know not to let her keep nursing with an improper latch, and it did enough damage to make the whole learning-to-nurse process much more painful than it even normally is (and as any nursing mom will attest to, it is difficult no matter what). However, I don't know a single nursing mom who didn't have a hard time with it at first, especially in the first couple of days before your milk comes in and the baby wants more milk than you are making. Breastfeeding is very hard in general, and only certain parts about it get easier. The funny thing is... it is kind of a perfect metaphor for mothering young children in general.
You might think I am crazy, but follow me here...
The beginning is WAY harder than you ever imagine it will be.
Gone is any spontaneity that used to be part of your personality.
You suddenly find yourself willing to sacrifice things you truly loved before.
There are times when you love it and wish this stage would never end, but there are also times when you feel the end of this stage will never come fast enough.
Going out on a date or a girl's night out suddenly involves a whole heck of a lot of advanced planning.
You occasionally feel trapped.
You sometimes feel like this level of closeness between two people is just miraculous.
Some of your are probably thinking, "Wow, I can't believe she actually said that," about some of the things I said, but some of you who are or have been nursing mothers are probably thinking to yourself, "Wow, I have felt that way too..." even if you would never have actually said it. Well, I said it. Yes, I do sometimes feel trapped. There are parts of me who mourn things I have lost, even temporarily. I mourn the temporary loss of caffeine and citrus. I mourn the spontaneity that used to let me decide to go out with my friends on Friday night at 10pm on Friday night. There, I said it.
I love my children dearly. That is why I am willing to sacrifice so much for them.
But it has been a tough past week. The sun has been nice. The wind has not. I have been off my allergy meds because they bother Tiana's stomach. This means that the 9 trees, 7 weeds, and 5 grasses that I am highly allergic to (allergy tests back in 2009) get me crazy congested, and because of my asthma and allergies, it never quite flushes out, so I always end up with a sinus infection. Argh! When I went to the doctor today, I said, "Hello Doctor. I'm here for my monthly sinus infection." He laughed, but agreed that this is getting ridiculous (I was there less than a month ago for the last one), and at least he found another allergy med that he thinks should work and not interfere with breastfeeding or bother Tiana. I hate having sinus infections. It makes me wear down so easily in the day, and it makes it really hard to sleep at night because I cough so much. Bleh.
Okay, I whine too much, but seriously... rough week, particularly last 48 hours. While Natalie was having the baby, I wanted so badly to be there for her, but was barely able to because I just didn't have a sitter, even though I tried really hard to find one. I know we don't always get along very well, but seriously... I'm her big sister. Its like my job to be there for her. I especially wanted to be there for her today when she was having trouble with breastfeeding. But it wasn't to be.
It was an awful night last night. It took me almost 2 hours to fall asleep because I couldn't stop coughing. Then, shortly after I fell asleep, I woke up at 1:30a.m. because Vinny had thrown up all over everything. Ugh. Thank God for my wonderful husband who took the awful job of cleaning the throw up off the high bunk of Vinny's bed. I got the much easier task of washing the throw up out of Vinny's hair. We made Vinny a bed on the couch, and went back to sleep, for like 30 minutes... and then it happened again. And we were changing linens again. Ultimately, my self-sacrificing husband slept in the living room with Vinny and managed to handle it himself the next 5 times it happened. I couldn't believe it when I woke up at 9:30 a.m. to find Marc had let me sleep while he handled the mess and even called in to work late so I could keep my doctor's appointment for my sinus infection today. When I finally got up and made it into the living room, there was my little baby boy (okay, my big baby boy), lying miserably on the couch. He didn't do much more than watch a lot of t.v. today, and I couldn't get him to drink much, but hopefully he will be alright tomorrow. I think it was just a 24 hour bug. I hope so, because I have plans to go to work tomorrow for a while.
Parenthood is tough.
My sister (who had her baby yesterday) is having a hard time getting the hang of breastfeeding, and she wants to. The baby latched improperly yesterday and she didn't really know it or know not to let her keep nursing with an improper latch, and it did enough damage to make the whole learning-to-nurse process much more painful than it even normally is (and as any nursing mom will attest to, it is difficult no matter what). However, I don't know a single nursing mom who didn't have a hard time with it at first, especially in the first couple of days before your milk comes in and the baby wants more milk than you are making. Breastfeeding is very hard in general, and only certain parts about it get easier. The funny thing is... it is kind of a perfect metaphor for mothering young children in general.
You might think I am crazy, but follow me here...
The beginning is WAY harder than you ever imagine it will be.
Gone is any spontaneity that used to be part of your personality.
You suddenly find yourself willing to sacrifice things you truly loved before.
There are times when you love it and wish this stage would never end, but there are also times when you feel the end of this stage will never come fast enough.
Going out on a date or a girl's night out suddenly involves a whole heck of a lot of advanced planning.
You occasionally feel trapped.
You sometimes feel like this level of closeness between two people is just miraculous.
Some of your are probably thinking, "Wow, I can't believe she actually said that," about some of the things I said, but some of you who are or have been nursing mothers are probably thinking to yourself, "Wow, I have felt that way too..." even if you would never have actually said it. Well, I said it. Yes, I do sometimes feel trapped. There are parts of me who mourn things I have lost, even temporarily. I mourn the temporary loss of caffeine and citrus. I mourn the spontaneity that used to let me decide to go out with my friends on Friday night at 10pm on Friday night. There, I said it.
I love my children dearly. That is why I am willing to sacrifice so much for them.
But it has been a tough past week. The sun has been nice. The wind has not. I have been off my allergy meds because they bother Tiana's stomach. This means that the 9 trees, 7 weeds, and 5 grasses that I am highly allergic to (allergy tests back in 2009) get me crazy congested, and because of my asthma and allergies, it never quite flushes out, so I always end up with a sinus infection. Argh! When I went to the doctor today, I said, "Hello Doctor. I'm here for my monthly sinus infection." He laughed, but agreed that this is getting ridiculous (I was there less than a month ago for the last one), and at least he found another allergy med that he thinks should work and not interfere with breastfeeding or bother Tiana. I hate having sinus infections. It makes me wear down so easily in the day, and it makes it really hard to sleep at night because I cough so much. Bleh.
Okay, I whine too much, but seriously... rough week, particularly last 48 hours. While Natalie was having the baby, I wanted so badly to be there for her, but was barely able to because I just didn't have a sitter, even though I tried really hard to find one. I know we don't always get along very well, but seriously... I'm her big sister. Its like my job to be there for her. I especially wanted to be there for her today when she was having trouble with breastfeeding. But it wasn't to be.
It was an awful night last night. It took me almost 2 hours to fall asleep because I couldn't stop coughing. Then, shortly after I fell asleep, I woke up at 1:30a.m. because Vinny had thrown up all over everything. Ugh. Thank God for my wonderful husband who took the awful job of cleaning the throw up off the high bunk of Vinny's bed. I got the much easier task of washing the throw up out of Vinny's hair. We made Vinny a bed on the couch, and went back to sleep, for like 30 minutes... and then it happened again. And we were changing linens again. Ultimately, my self-sacrificing husband slept in the living room with Vinny and managed to handle it himself the next 5 times it happened. I couldn't believe it when I woke up at 9:30 a.m. to find Marc had let me sleep while he handled the mess and even called in to work late so I could keep my doctor's appointment for my sinus infection today. When I finally got up and made it into the living room, there was my little baby boy (okay, my big baby boy), lying miserably on the couch. He didn't do much more than watch a lot of t.v. today, and I couldn't get him to drink much, but hopefully he will be alright tomorrow. I think it was just a 24 hour bug. I hope so, because I have plans to go to work tomorrow for a while.
Parenthood is tough.
Monday, January 24, 2011
Guess What? I'm an aunt!
My sister had her baby today, which makes me an aunt. It also gives Vinny and Tiana their first first cousin. Beautiful Isabella Newbill was born at 1:40p.m., 6 pounds 13 ounces, 19.5 inches. She is beautiful. She has her mommy's lips.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
The Mommy Funnies
My kids make me laugh. I walked up to my laptop to find these miniature people with their miniature RV parked nearby. I guess they were watching a drive-in movie? Does anyone else think this is as funny as I think it is? It was an ugly day in many ways, but my kids make me laugh.Tiana is sick. She has bronchiolitis. Vinny had it when he was 6 months old, and it was a nightmare. The poor thing was miserable. He just coughed and coughed and coughed. Couldn't eat, barely slept. Miserable. When I started hearing Tiana wheezing Thursday night, I wanted to cry. Not again! Fortunately, it hasn't been nearly as bad as it was with Vinny. When Vinny had it, he actually developed pneumonia. She has not and actually seems to be getting better. Perhaps there is something to be said of the antibodies in breastmilk.
Anyway, back to funny Vinny. This morning, on the way home from the doctor's office, I told Vinny we could stop for donuts. I got myself a root beer as a little treat, since I saw they had Mug, which is caffeine free. I put it on the roof while I put Tiana in the car (I bet you can tell where this is going). As I drove away, a loud "thump thump thump" sound reminded me about my soda. "Great," I thought, as I watched it hit roll off the roof spilling all over my trunk. I got out and grabbed the cup, and Vinny asked, "What happened to the soda?" When I told him, he seemed confused... until we got out and he saw the trunk and said, "Wow, what a mess. Daddy's gonna have to clean that up!" Hahahahaha! I love it! He sure knows how it is.
My other favorite part of the day. I let Vinny wear his clothes to sleep last night, since he fell asleep on the couch. He didn't want to change, so I let him wear it to the doctor this morning too, but after I said, "Come on, you need to get dressed," and he answered, "Silly mommy, I am dressed, see! I'm not naked!" Ah Vinny. He knew what I meant.
Later in the day, Vinny was taking pictures with his camera (he has been begging me to put more batteries in it for ages and I finally did) and he kept taking pictures of Tiana. After each one he would say, "Awwww!" in a high pitched voice. So cute! Then, I was cleaning up in the kitchen and I hear hysterical giggles from the hall. I find Vinny in the bathroom, hysterically laughing, taking pictures of the toilet. He is such a boy.
Okay... last Vinny funny. At my parents' house, Vinny was playing in the yard while my dad was cleaning up dog poopy, but unfortunately, Vinny stepped on some before my dad got to it. I made him give me his shoes to clean them off. "Why?" he asked. My mom told him, "Because there's poop on them." He looks at her and asks, "Who pooped on them?" Hahahaha.
Tiana started solid foods this week. I made peas and she really enjoyed them. The funniest thing was, I chose peas randomly because they were what I had in the freezer, but she actually had on an outfit that day that was the exact same color pea green. :-)
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