A Sloppy Mess

This phrase could be used to describe so many things in my life right now. I thought it an appropriate title for tonight's blog based on my dinner experience.

What do you get when you cross sloppy joes and an OCD preschooler?  A dinner table battlezone. We have had few battles lately. Ever since we overcame this battle last summer, it usually only takes a brief reminder to get Vinny get back on track... but sloppy joes were just more than he could handle.

We order our groceries from a food co-op called Angel Food. It is not like a food pantry for those who cannot afford food or anything like that. It is not donated- it is all purchased. Basically, the organization buys the food in bulk and puts together boxes with a variety of items for a great price. The prices are a fraction of the cost of buying groceries in the supermarket because they don't have to pay overhead or advertising or whatnot. You get to preview what's in the box before you order, and it is usually a pretty good mix. Anyway, this month's box came with frozen premade sloppy joe mix, like with the beef already in it and everything. It has been a LONG week and I have had rehearsals until the very last minute that I can be at school, picking Tiana up at exactly the deadline every day, so easy needed to happen, and sloppy joes was it.

Vinny is a neat freak. He freaks out if you put a book back in the wrong place on the shelf, or if you leave something on the floor in his room. He gets disgusted at peanut shells on the ground at Dodger games. He HATES being dirty and washes his hands constantly. The thought of eating something with even the name "sloppy" made him crazy. He would freak out each time the filling squeezed through the bun. I finally even sympathized and offered to hold it for him so he could just eat it, but by then he had already declared, "I don't liker SLOPPIES!" It took the promise of homemade chocolate cookies for dessert (break and bake- also from the co-op box) to finally coerce him to eat it, as long as I offered to cut it in half. Oy... Vinny is totally OCD- basically, the complete opposite of me.

I was identified gifted as a child. I say this not to blow my own horn, but to explain something about me. As most teachers will certainly be able to confirm, gifted students are some of the messiest. Not at all of them, but many of them. They are too busy focusing on the big picture to worry about minute details like neatness. This is one of my worst traits, I must admit. My desk is a perpetual mesk. If it is not digital, I probably don't know where it is. Life becoming more and more digital does wonders for me.  My handwriting is a disaster. And to be honest... sometimes, so is my life. Like right now.

There is too much on my plate, and everything is falling through the cracks. I am CRAZY behind on paperwork. We are in the tech rehearsal stage of production for this semester's show. About 25% of the cast is just lacking commitment and making me crazy. I am trying to stay strong and pull through for the other awesome 75%, but it is just getting hard.

It is also really, really not helping that I have been in pretty much constant pain since last Tuesday. I got a filling done and ended up with a blocked salivary gland. Apparently, it is not anything the dentist did wrong- just some freak reaction. It got infected Sunday, and I went to the emergency room because I could not handle the pain any more. I am on antibiotics and I think the infection itself is starting to go away, but I still have this ball in my cheek that is the blocked gland and it is very painful. My whole cheek is bruised. They gave me painkillers to help, but they kind of make me feel like I am floating through the day. This would be an okay thing if I didn't have so darn much to do right now. I just can't focus.

I should be grading papers, but I don't think I can handle that right now. Maybe I will just go to bed. Ugh.

Enthusiasm

I love Vinny's enthusiasm for life. He" is just incredibly fun and enthusiastic.  He has just discovered the phrase "dreaming" and has been using it frquently. Not gonna lie, it's hysterical.
Yesterday, we pulled up to Chuck e. Cheese and he says, "Yea! I've been dreaming of this!" And then last night at the Dodger game, once we climbed up the hill and could finally see the stadium (we always park outside the stadium to save money), he cried, "The Dodgers Game! I've been dreaming of this game!" Humorously, he kind of had... it was his first game this year and he'd been looking forward to it all week. He told everyone he saw yesterday, "I'm going to the Dodgers game tonight!" And nothing is anticlimactic with him. He also had a little celebration over his frozen yogurt, exclaiming, "In my very own little Dodgers helmet." He starts eating it, "Mmmm!" I ask, "How is it?" and he delights, "Cold!"
Another great moment of last night. We are walking up the stairs to the bathroom and he mutters, "Bad people!" Surprised, I inquire, "Why?" He responds, "Look what a mess t?hey are making." Ha! He was right... there were peanut shells everywhere. 
I asked him, "Vinny, how'd you get to be such a big boy?" His response, "I'm growing up."  Yup... no kidding.
Anyway, where was I going with this? Oh yeah, enthusiasm. I delight in hi enthusiasm for life.  But I think I know where he gets it.
I was at an educator's conference a couple of weeks ago and a friend my colleagues and I made kept saying to me, "I love your enthusiasm." Honestly, I thought she was being sarcastic, so I apologized and she said, "No, I'm being serious. I wish I could get that excited about a cupcake. Okay, cupcakes are awesome.... but someone else said the same thing about my reaction to a new format for something we will be using. What can I say? It is just how I am. I got voted Biggest Child at Heart in the teacher superlatives this year. It is how Marc is too.

Marc posted a picture of us on Fb recently and one of his friends asked why we were so happy and wondered if we were being sarcastic. We weren't. I explained it was just a good day and a friend of mine commented, "can't people just be happy?"It is true. Why is enthusiasm in our society so often seen as sarcasm?

It is not that Marc and I are always happy. Anyone who knows us well will certainly know that we have our times of stress and grief too. Both of us have gone through rough spots where life seems more depressing than not, but I think we just life more tolerable if we choose to really really enjoy life's happier moments, the simple things that bring joy.

I hope Vinny never loses his enthusiastic attitude. Sometimes I think it is just him being a kid, but other times, I think it is just him being ours. I hope so.
ddhf

Spring Break Spring Break Spring Break

It feels good to be on Spring Break. I had promised myself I would get done some schoolwork during this break so I don't go back feeling just as stressed as I did when I left, and I haven't gotten any work done yet, but the week is young. I will try to force myself to start pulling stuff out of bags tomorrow.

It has been a good week. Saturday I did some shopping and had dinner with the in-laws. Sunday I sang in Discovery Kidz (a show at church) and then we decided to hit the beach after church. It was overcast, but still hot, and we had a beautiful time. Tiana was maybe the happiest I have ever seen her. She just loved the  sun and sand and everything. It was like she couldn't stop smiling and laughing the whole time. So CUTE.

I set myself a goal of hitting the gym every day this week, and so far so good, even if it hasn't been for a super long time each time, but it has been nice. I also bought myself a new Macbook to replace the laptop that will now not turn on. The possibility of all the lost information that didn't end up on the back-up hard drive could be really getting to me, but I am taking solace in that I just have no idea what I am doing yet on this computer, so it is probably all here somewhere, right?  Haha.

I had lunch with a friend on Monday and she commented that I must have really been stressed since I hadn't blogged in a while, which is funny, because that is what a friend/mentor I saw last week said too. It is interesting to think that my friends know my life is really turned upside down if I DON'T blog. Most people blog if something IS going on to write about, I blog all the time, EXCEPT, when I am really, truly, losing my mind with busyness. Seriously... the amount of "busy" in my life lately really has gotten out of control.

Anyhow... back on track now. Let's see if I can hold on. There is actually so much going on- I have to remember all of it long enough to blog about.

Monday night our Bible study group had Seder. One of the guys in our Bible study has a Jewish background, so he narrated the ceremony. His super awesome girlfriend did a great job preparing all of it, and he did a good job of leading it and connecting it to Christ. It was a a cool experience. We didn't really do the traditional dinner (sorry- no lamb here, I made tri trip and chicken), but we did the ceremony. It was actually WAY awesome. I'm not gonna lie; I kind of expected it to be informative, but boring. It was informative, but actually a lot of fun. Did you know the tradition of hiding Easter eggs actually generated in a Passover tradition of hiding the unleavened bread? Overall, it was a good time. Any religious/cultural ceremony that involves drinking four glasses of wine and repeatedly thanking God for making the fruit of the vine is my kind of ceremony!   :-)   Plus, it was, outside of the elements of the night, just a beautiful reminder of how wonderful it is to have this group. I genuinely care about these wonderful young people, and I have not felt this fantastic level of fellowship since I was 18 and had a Bible study with a bunch of people from Axis where we were going through the whole Bible. That was an awesome group, and I have always missed the type of fellowship we had there, but this feels very much like that vibe. It is such a privilege to host it every week, even if I do often miss like an hour of it taking care of the kids. :-(

Today I had some dental work done, which really sucked. I've never had a single cavity before, so this was my first filling, but since pregnancy does awful things to your teeth, I had 4. Yes, 4. I can't believe I am even admitting that, but I guess getting to this age without a single cavity is not too bad. Since I don't have a lot of time off though, I decided to do them all at once. I didn't realize how painful it was going to be. Not during... after. I think it partially just IS painful getting 4 fillings, and I also kind of just have sensitive teeth, and I am having some weirdo reaction in my cheek too. Only on one side, but for some reason, it is all swollen. It is even bruised- I can see it on the outside- and really tender to touch. I've been putting ice on it and taking Motrin which is helping, but this just sucks. I better feel better by our Vegas trip at the end of the week.

Other than that, I made the best of the day. Since I was bringing Tiana to school for my dentist appointment, I decided to leave her there for a bit and take advantage of the opportunity to spend some time with my son alone. It was really special. He is really becoming great company. I picked him up from school and took him to lunch and a movie. He loved picking out his own sandwich at Subway and chatting with me while we ate. He was so cute at the movies. He wanted to sit at the very top. When I whispered a few things to him at the beginning of the movie, he kept telling me to be quiet. He is so funny. I think it is important that I do stuff like that once in a while, especially now that it is not just him. I was shocked that when we were at lunch he asked where Tiana was, and I said at school, and he told me he was glad it was just us, and then he actually asked if I remembered when I took him to Disneyland just me and him. That was 2 YEARS ago! I can't believe he remembers that. He said, "That was fun, Mom."  :-)  When we got back to the house after picking up Tiana, he looked at me as he was getting out of the car and said, "I'm so glad you picked me up at lunch today and took me to the movies." He even helped me cook dinner tonight too. :-) When you work 60+ hours a week... this kind of stuff is really very necessary. I don't know how I would keep going without moments like that.

So, tomorrow my kitchen and bathroom will be thrown into a relative state of upheaval, as we are replacing all of our plumbing with copper and doing some remodeling, and tomorrow is the big "removal" day. Out comes the bathtub (yea! could not be happier about this- getting one with an actual slope!), the tile,  and the toilet in my bathroom (Marc's bathroom will be spared), as well as the dishwasher (which is broken and nearly caught our house on fire a few weeks ago). I do not know how long the whole process will take, but I should eventually have a beautifully remodeled bathroom and working kitchen plumbing. Our plumbing situation is really such a joke. We can't even turn our faucet on without using two hands to manhandle it- not even kidding. We are also installing a reverse osmosis system, which I am so, so excited about.

I should take before and after pictures!

What else... oh yes, a Tiana update is  a must! She is SO, SO, SO almost crawling. She gets around very easily on the shag carpet in both the kids' bedrooms, but not as easily on the hard carpet in the living room or at all on the hardwood floors. In other news, she did wave for the first time today. I was hanging out with my friend Janelle tonight and Tiana totally clearly waved at her. I was so excited. You could just SEE the thought process there as she looked at Janelle, looked at her hand, and then slowly raised her hand to wave back. Oh my big girl!  I am one lucky mommy.

Your Heroes...

"Your heroes are dead.
They were all in you head.
When nothing is left we’ll start again"
- Andrew Schwab, Project 86

What do we do, as parents and teachers, when role models we have established turn out to be, well, human? Do we pretend it didn't happen and hope they don't find out? Do we use it as a teachable moment, even if it causes sadness and will potentially set them up to believe that no one is what he seems?

This is unfortunately the predicament I am in after watching an episode of 60 minutes last night. There was a segment on the author and philanthropist Greg Mortenson who is the head of a nonprofit organization called Central Asia Institute that builds schools in Pakistan and Afghanistan in areas where there are no real schools. He has been somewhat of a hero of mine, and I teach his book, Three Cups of Tea, each year to my Honors class. The book is overall just a good story with some awesome themes about perserverance and differences in cultural perspectives, and it also just does a great job of highlighting the value of education, which we often take for granted here in the U.S.

When I heard his name coming from the television, I was excited... until I sat down and heard what they were talking about. Based on what they said, it seems he is, at best, guilty of greed and exaggeration, at worst, fraud.  Many of the schools he established have not seen a dime in years, yet his organization is spending millions on travel and promotional expenses for his book tour, despite the fact that the proceeds from the book are NOT going to the organization. In addition, some of the schools he claims to have built don't even exist. He said in one interview that he built 11 schools in one area in Afghanistan, when he really only built 3. Building 3 schools is still cool, but why lie? Plus, people keep quitting his organization, making claims that he "uses [it] as his private ATM" (Kroft).

To a certain extent, I imagine that CBS may have misinterpreted some of what they have found. I understand that accounting for funds spent in an area were purchases don't necessarily always come with receipts must not be easy, and a certain amount of backdealing may be necessary to get things done; however, it seems that there are a variety of sources pointing to the fact that Mortenson has become somewhat guilty of giving in to the appeal of celebrity. The report pointed out that even his organization acknowledges that they do not receive profits from his book, although they support his book tour, since raising awareness about the issue is of great importance and in line with their mission, with which I would agree, but a set percentage of the book should also be going to the organization. I, in fact, assumed it was. I am disappointed to hear this is not the case.

But why wouldn't Mortenson speak to them himself? Why did he look so uncomfortable when they tried to talk to him? Why did he deny an interview and basically run away?  He should have just stood up for himself. I believe that the work he set out to do is still valid, but he, like so many others, seems to have fallen into the trap of greed, in a way that undermines his very mission.

So, what do I do?

The state standards call for students to evaluate credibility of sources, and in my eyes, the one-sided view of the book is not as credible as the CBS story with its variety of seemingly reliable primary sources. The students in my 2nd period Honors class look up to Mortenson as a hero of sorts; do I pretend I did not see this 60 minutes story and ignore it in my classroom, or do I bring it up, given the fact that these extremely intelligent seekers of information probably saw it too? What do I even do with it if I do bring it up? How do I address the reality of life that no one can be completely trusted without evaluation?

And what do I do for next year?  I don't feel like the book should still be my summer reading, but what other book has the non-fiction voice and thematic approach to show the importance of cultural perspective that I so very much want to have as the foundation for our year? 

Ideas? Comments?


Source:
Kroft, Steve. "Greg Mortenson." 60 Minutes. Prod. Andy Court, Kevin Livelli, and Maria Usman. CBS. WCBS, 18 Apr. 2011. CBSNews.com. 18 Apr. 2011. Web. 19 Apr. 2011. .

Hold on... hold on... crash

This has been a rough, rough two weeks. I have been hanging on by a thread. I feel like I've been barely surviving and managing everything. 
I literally have gone from meeting to meeting to meeting all week. I have not had my prep period free in a almost 10 days, and grades being due on Tuesday did not make that any easier. Plus, I have been busy afterschool every day too.  I was gone on a work trip last weekend, and I underestimated the effect not having a weekend would have on me. I have also been up reading essays for the Holocaust Remembrance Essay contest every night. It is great though, because they genuinely want to win. The winners of the contest get to go on a trip with a group of survivors to the Holocaust memorial in Miami. The students genuinely believe they could win and wrote like winners. After reading and perfecting their essays all week, I believe they could too. Most of them are beautiful, heartfelt tributes that reflect the very core of why Holocaust education is so important.
Anyhow... I took about 50 students to see a musical on Thursday night, which was amazing, and they were all singing the songs on Friday, but yesterday I was so tired I was almost delirious. I spent all day helping the essay students get their work under 1200 words- felt like a freelancer again- and finally submitted (one poor student had an amazing paper that could have got an A in a college class, but was 1800 words when she came to me to help her trim). By rehearsal yesterday, I was just barely holding on. When I finally ended rehearsal at 5 to start spring break, I was just plain spent.
Marc had plans last night and I hadn't seen my mom in weeks, so I spent the evening with them. At 8pm, I cuddled up on the couch with tiana and just crashed. While my mom entertained vinny, I slept. They woke me up at a little after 10 to head home and I am almost surprised I made it. I think I had a conversation with my dad about school supplies, but it feels like a dream.
At least I have a week free- kind of. I'm still behind on papers, my house is a mess, and I have to go to the dentist on Tuesday, but that's not too terribly much. We are going to vegas at the end of the week too, and I honestly could not be more excited about that.

Can't do this much longer

I am having an emotional breakdown. I can't handle this. I have been working approximately 18 hours a day for the past 8 days without a break and I am starting to lose my mind. I have papers, papers, papers, papers still to grade, and grades are due tomorrow. I want to do right by my students and get them all in, but I am so tired, I feel like I am going to start just crying spontaneously any second...

My computer crashed tonight. I think it is beyond repair. I fortunately have most of the files (photos and music and docs) on an external hard drive now, but I need to be able to use that computer. I am fairly certain it isn't worth fixing. It would probably cost its worth to fix. It will not even turn on, not even in safe mode.  :-(   And it happened to me tonight in the middle of entering grades.

My honors kids are my heart and soul, and they are working on a very special paper right now that I need to review for a contest they are entering. I am splitting them with their history teacher, so I only have to read half, but it is still a lot, to really provide enough feedback for it to really help them.

Bleh... if it wasn't more work to do sub plans than show up to teach, I'd be calling in sick some time this week.

Do Not Stand Idly By...

This week has been a great reminder of Leviticus 19:16...

"Do not stand idly by when your neighbor's life is threatened..."

We are in the middle of a tolerance unit with our students; they are studying literature from the Holocaust, as well as other pieces of literature about other forms of persecution happening all over the world, while they are also doing a history project on the Holocaust as well. The students are completely bought into the unit, and it is a beautiful thing.

Yesterday at school, almost all of the student organizations on campus worked together on a "die in" activity to promote awareness about hate crimes taking place all over the world, as well as the roots of hate, which lie in prejudiced words and actions.

Then today we went to the Museum of Tolerance. That place always gets me, even though we go every year. This year though, was quite special. We had the sweetest little lady as a tour guide. Her name was Gloria, and she was a Holocaust survivor. She even showed the students her tattoo from Auschwitz, and shared a lot about her experience. I have stood before at the part of the museum with the Auschwitz replica, but walking through the hallway to the gas chamber replica had much more significance somehow when walking through next to someone who narrowly escaped this fate herself. Then, we listened to a survivor, Eva Brettler, share her story of survival.

This weekend, some of my students will walk in the Walk to End Genocide. I sponsored one student who needed help registering, and she has already raised some more money. My students inspire me. If they inspire you too, consider donating to their team for the walk!


Most of all, they inspire me to remember the importance of not standing idly by. Let this be my pledge...  I will not stand idly by.

What I am going to write here might bother some people... but you know what-

I don't care.

Regardless of how acceptable or unacceptable my views may be, I will not stand idly by while people say terrible racist remarks about immigrants, like my amazing students, whose parents only brought them here to escape the dangers of drug wars. How can we think they should all be turned away, yet react in shock at the fact that America's doors were closed to the Jews trying to escape Europe in the 1930s? I will not stand idly by while people act as if those who have different sexual preferences should be treated as lesser citizens. If we are okay with persecuting people based on something like that, simply because we disagree, then how will we feel when other people persecute us for our beliefs, simply because they disagree?


"First they came for the Communists, but I was not a Communist so I did not speak out.
Then they came for the Socialists and the Trade Unionists, but I was neither, so I did not speak out.
Then they came for the Jews, but I was not a Jew so I did not speak out.
And when they came for me, there was no one left to speak out for me."
- Martin Niemoller 

I have a small person of papers to grade...

What does that mean, right? Let me tell you what it means. It means that after I heaved all of the papers I took home to grade onto my passenger seat, and turned my car on, my car sensed a person and wanted me to buckle them.
There's a first for everything I suppose. I've had that happen before with my computer in the pile, but no computer today- just.... papers.... lots.... of.... papers.
None of it is too complex, but sadly, it is stuff I do need to do personally to know where they are at, and just plain looking at and writing a number on 500 pages takes a crapload of time.
I am also under crazy pressure to have crazy detailed lesson plans right now for reasons I don't want to go into.  The dark cloud of BTSA (teacher induction program) is looming heavily in the distance. There are piles of legalistic paper work I have fallen behind on, and several books that my students are actually reading that I haven't read yet- that would be the problem with literature circles. When you add new books each year, it is hard to keep up with them all.  There are currently 12 different books in my students' hands for assignments. I have read all but 3 of those. Well, at least a business trip is coming up and I can read them on the plane.
My students are amazing. My honors students particularly. They had the most amazing literature circle discussions yesterday. I even had the coolest opportunity to sit down with the group that read Jesus Freaks and share some of my life and past Christian walk with them. It was a neat experience. It was equally neat to turn 5 minutes later to the group reading The Laramie Project and listen in on a discussion about whether or not the defendants truly killed him because he was gay or if it was just a robbery gone wrong. I love my job.

I Will Never Forget

Today my students read their poems and shared their butterflies with the class. Then, I told them the fate of their child. If the child died (which all but 2 in each group did), the student had to cut down the butterfly.

This is a picture of Cameron cutting down his butterfly. Cameron was very attached to his butterfly. He was the first to finish on art day (Monday), and then ended up going back up to his butterfly to edit it the next day. When I asked why, he explained that he thought about it at home and decided he needed to cut off part of the butterfly's wing. Why? Because he explained, "If a butterfly is missing part of its wing, it cannot fly, and the children lost a part of themselves when they went to the camp, and they are like broken butterflies because they can't just fly away."  Yeah...

When Cameron cut his butterfly down today, I thought he might cry.

A few students did cry. When I asked the students at the end to share with their group what they would remember about this experience, I overheard a student say, "I will never forget what it felt like to chop down my butterfly."

You know what I will never forget?

I will never forget watching Adriana get choked up reading the last few lines of "Letter to Daddy," and I will never forget watching the tears stream down her cheek as I told her the child died. I'll never forget wishing I could just hug her as she ran to the bathroom to compose herself.  I'll never forget Claudia's face as I read the biographical information and she reached for the scissors, only to let go in shock as she heard me say, "Alena Survived! You may leave your butterfly hanging." I will never forget the way the entire class clapped and cheered for the butterflies that survived.

I will never forget the two students who had butterflies representing the same poet... who accidentally made almost the same exact butterfly. I will never forget the concern on Vanessa's face as she begged me to let her go pick her butterfly up off the ground and glue the rhinestones back on that had come off in the fall to the ground. I will never forget how many students insisted that we travel to Houston to see the butterflies in the exhibit in 2013.

I will never forget that for maybe the first time ever, my students really, truly, sincerely understood that the fact that 1.5 million children died in the Holocaust means that the world lost 1.5 million innocent, beautiful, amazing young people...

Butterflies

I have so much to do, so of course what am I going to do first.... blog.

This has been an emotional unit for me at school. The students created butterflies to send to the Holocaust Museum of Houston for their Butterfly Project. The Museum is collecting 1.5 million handmade butterflies to represent the 1.5 million children that died in the Holocaust. My students made butterflies that each reflect a child poet from the book I Never Saw Another Butterfly, which is a compilation of poems written by young Holocaust victims.

They put so much work into these butterflies. They poured their souls into these butterflies. I had students who never seem to care about anything in my room at nutrition and lunch. I had a student who I don't have until after lunch come in during nutrition and lunch, because he heard about the project and wanted to get started. They worked on them at home; they dragged their friends over to see them. One student asked me with great concern, "What if my butterfly isn't what my child was really like at all? What if he sees it and thinks I got it wrong?"  Her comment, with such great concern to do justice for this precious child, touched my heart.

They do not know yet that the second part of this project involves cutting down the butterflies of the children who died. Considering that only 100 of the 15,000 children at the Terezin camp survived, this means most of their butterflies will "die" tomorrow. It is going to be an emotional day.

During my Honors class today, I showed them a video of my family's trip to the Holocaust Memorial in Miami because they are entering an essay contest to win a trip to the memorial. In the video, my son looks at a statue of a young child and asks, "Why is he crying, Mommy?"
I could feel that the entire class felt the awful painful irony of that question. Their eyes were full of tears. Immediately after this, one of the seniors on campus stopped by my class to invite my students to participate in the Walk to End Genocide on April 10th. When he ended his presentation and asked who would like a registration form, nearly every hand in the room shot up.

I.... am.... emotionally.... drained.

The salary I make might be small, but do you know what I really make?

I make a difference.

I'm having a "Jesus Come Back Now" kind of day...

This morning, the sky looked so beautiful that I took a picture of it while I was driving. (Yes, I know, totally dangerous). I am pretty sure that is what heaven will look like.

My day has gone downhill from there. Teaching the Holocaust is hard. I am emotional. It is hard not to be. I feel like I am pregnant again I am so emotional (no, I am not pregnant, just saying). I just sat in my department chair's room crying because my advisory kids talked during a video about the destruction in Japan, my English students made a mess of the art supplies, and someone stole some of my markers. Silly stuff, I know. I am just emotional.

My college adviser in my curriculum program told me there would be days I would want to apply at Bank of America. Today is one of those days. I don't know how long I can do this.... but I don't know that I could handle not doing this.

Happy Weekend to Me!

It feels like a special occasion. Tiana is now sleeping 90% in her own crib. She usually wakes up to eat around 5am, which is fine by me, since that is just in time for me to feed her before I have to go to work, but we lay in bed and she goes back to sleep until  it is time to leave for day care. TODAY... however, she slept in her crib until around 7:30! It is funny, she has never slept that long, so when I first woke up and looked at the clock, I panicked. I thought, "Oh my gosh! She's dead!" (I'm not kidding. I was terrified she had died of  SIDS in the middle of the night). When I walked in there and she was laying there, eyes open, smiling at me, I was so relieved and thrilled. What a wonderful milestone.

This has been an interesting week. I started a new warm-up routine with my students. I created a bulletin board in my room called the "Grammar Wall of Shame." This is not for posting students' errors (this would be contradictory to my belief of never embarrassing students), but errors that the students find. It has been fantastic. We go over them in class the first few minutes of each period. It took a few days to pick up momentum, but the students are turning into little grammar hunters. On the bus on our field trip yesterday, the sophomores were shouting with glee when we passed a take-out pizza place, "Mrs. Mohr! Mrs. Mohr! Look!  "Slices Yogurt! Ahhhh!" They made a mad dash to take a picture of it (they get extra credit for emailing me the pictures).  I am sure what the pizza place meant was that they sell slices of pizza, as well as yogurt, but they found "slices yogurt" to be wonderfully incorrect. They have found some other good stuff too.  One student was thrilled to find an ad in his mailbox for a party place that supplies "ballooms and tableclothes."  Another found these pictures in a teacher's classroom. To be fair, I am pretty sure they were made by a T.A., but when my T.A. makes grammar mistakes on signs I ask her to make, I fix them before I put them up,  or better yet, I make her fix them. Anyhow, I am thrilled with the learning that is taking place. When I went over the "schedule" one in class, several students looked at it and honestly didn't know which one was correct, which is great, because now they do. I bet when I do a quiz next week, they are all going to get it right. :-)  After further consideration, I have found it necessary to find my own grammar mistakes online as well for the purpose of teaching a wide variety of grammar lessons, but I am going to use student examples whenever possible.

I haven't posted in a while because I was sick. Last week Vinny was (and I was getting it), then this week I was pretty miserable. I taught via projector in some periods on Monday, because I just had no voice. This happens to me a few times a year, but hadn't happened yet this school year. I seriously get sick way too much. It is a combination of things, mostly allergies and asthma making me extremely susceptible to respiratory problems, but it is also being a teacher, having two kids in two different day cares, and a husband who runs after school care. We actually  pull from 4 different germ pools. Fantastic. By the time my kids are 10, they will never get sick again; they will have the world's strongest immune systems. I finally went to the doctor Wednesday night though and actually got a nurse practitioner who understood my issues. This is rare for me. It is only when I find asthmatic doctors that I have success with treatment. No, I don't mean doctors that specialize in asthma; I mean doctors who actually have asthma. My primary has asthma, and so did this nurse practitioner. I think it is one of those things- you don't really know a person's plight until you've walked a mile in his shoes. At least I am finally getting better.

The steam room at the gym has become my best friend. It clears my sinuses like no other. I have even managed to sort of keep working out despite sick. I didn't go as much in the past couple weeks, but I did go a few times, and I even swam laps. :-) Go me. I always forget how much I love swimming as a workout until I am in the pool doing it. The biggest impediment to it is that I HATE the feeling of jumping into the pool and trying to get used to the water. Yes, it is a heated pool, but it is not "hot," and I am never at the gym in the heat of the day, so this always means an uncomfortable couple of minutes, plus a freezing few minutes after getting out too. I don't know how Marc does it. Like 2-3 days a week he swims in the early morning... like 5:30a.m. early. I would die. I really could not bring myself to jump in a pool that early. The rest of the days he goes at lunch. I could handle that... if my lunch hour wasn't non-existent. Haha.

I even found a solution to my nursing woes this week. I decided to cut down to one pumping session during the day at work. It has worked well. It opens up time for me during the day at school so I don't feel so stressed out all the time, and it spaces out the feedings enough that I still produce. I get enough at that one session to fill four bottles halfway, and then I just fill them up the rest of the way with formula. This means she is getting overall, with nursing at home, about 75% breastmilk and 25% formula, which is a ratio I still feel good about, allows me to keep that bonding relationship with her, and makes life easier on me at school. This is a good thing.

In February when Tiana wasn't sleeping well, Vinny was miserable about going back to full-time preschool and being moody all the time, and I was super stressed all day every day, I kept telling myself, "This too shall pass; it will get easier." What do you know... it has. :-)

Teaching Honors Students...

Teaching honors students is a paradox. It is one of my favorite parts of being a teacher... it is also one of the most challenging parts. I've cried more tears over Honors students than any of my other classes, both tears of joy and sorrow.

It is an art I am still perfecting.

There are some really awesome positives to teaching honors students-

• They can get through curriculum in like half the time of other classes, which gives time for experimenting. I love to try stuff out on Honors. For the most part, if I can't make it work with them, I can't make it work, period.
• They produce amazing work that is a pleasure to read.
• They are intelligent, critical thinkers, and it is such a pleasure to engage them in discussion.

There are also some challenges-

• If you are slightly under-prepared for a lesson, it is pretty easy to wing it in regular classes, but not in Honors. They know. And they resent you for it (I know this from experience both as a student and a teacher. I hated when my teachers were unprepared). This means having excellent preparation at all times, which is hard. It is hard to be that on top of everything all the time.
• They often realize that they can achieve "pretty darn good" with very little effort, so they give the minimal effort and turn in "pretty darn good," when you know they can achieve "spectacular." This makes me crazy because I want to be fair and objective, but I also want so bad for them to know that it could have been better. How to do this and still be fair?
• They ask questions you sometimes don't have the answer to. You can't really fake it and maintain respect, so the best decision is honesty, but I always hate having to admit that I don't know.
• They hate doing stuff that is forced or doesn't really matter. You would think this is true of all students, but most students will tolerate the occasional lame assignment "for the sake of an assignment" stuff, but these students really only thrive when the educational endeavors that they are presented with are genuine and have relevant, real-world significance.  This is awesome, but challenging.

 
However, I think, to a certain extent, that I may love my Honors kids more than most teachers because I have awesome kids who are not like regular Honors kids. They are not all perfectionists who stress over a fraction of a percent. They are an eccentric, eclectic mix of incredibly talented students who just long to control the world some day (and will).

I guess some schools don't think this way, because in doing research for something I would like to present to my department, I found this story:
My colleague, who teaches eighth grade Language Arts, tripped on a cord, flew to the corner of a table and was momentarily knocked unconscious behind her desk. It was during her honors class.
Apparently, the class sat stunned. Finally, and we're talking after a long "finally", one student, and I mean only one, crept around the teacher's desk, looked at the floor, and announced, "Um, guys, she's not moving."
The teacher opened an eye with a groan, whispered for the student to go to the office, and the teacher, bleeding from the head, had to sit up by herself and ask for a paper towel.
So my question is this: would you rather be hit on the head in a room of A students stunned by a spontaneous turn of events that would never be covered on a standardized test, or a room of struggling latch-key kids who have to juggle their own nightly homework with the added responsibility of taking care of their three younger cousins?



This would so NEVER happen in my classroom. My Honors students are NOTHING like this. They are these incredibly responsible students who have no problem taking charge. I'd far rather pass out in my Honors class than any other class. If I passed out in period 5,  it might take them half the period to even notice.

Nursing Woes

To moms who nursed long-term, a question/request for advice...
I am sick, sick, sick of nursing. Correction... I am not sick of nursing- I actually love nursing my daughter- just pumping. I have been a real trooper about it, but it is a lot of work. On days when we have block schedule at school (2 days a week), my only break during the morning is nutrition, and it is not very long, so pumping takes most of that time. I hate it because I used to be very available to help my students at nutrition and lunch, but I have now banned them from my room during breaks, so that I can pump. Then there are other issues.... like detention.

The teachers all switch off covering detention during nutrition. I requested that the office manager not schedule me for detention coverage on block days, which means Wednesday or Thursday, so this week she scheduled me Friday, which would normally be okay, because I normally have a break 3rd period on Fridays, but today we were on a special block schedule and I forgot I had detention, so I ended up just having to do it. I know they are required to give me a nursing break if I need one, so I had my boss come cover me for a few minutes during homeroom (after nutrition), which worked okay, but honestly, I hate asking for those favors.

And I hate having no time for myself during the day. At least we had a prolonged lunch today, which was AMAZING. I actually had lunch with friends today, which is a rarity lately, since a 30 minute lunch does not allow time for eating, socializing, and pumping. Eating and pumping are musts, so I will let you guess which was one gets cut.


I am also sick of worrying about my milk production.  I have given in to the reality that I am apparently just not making enough to keep her satisfied. I am able to pump about 12-16 ounces during the day at work, and she wants to eat about 20 ounces a day, so I pack four 5-oz-bottles and I have to add a couple of ounces of formula to each, depending on how much milk I have, to make them full. Some days, I have to add like 2.5 ounces to one of the bottles. I guess in a lot of ways, it is not that big of a deal, but then it makes me feel like, "What the heck? If she is getting formula anyway, why am I bothering to do all this damn pumping?"

Why? Well, several reasons. We are B-R-O-K-E!  (Funny side note, I had a discussion with my students today about why we use the figurative expression "broke," instead of just saying "I have no money." We decided it is just because it makes it feel so much more desperate and sucky that way). Formula is expensive, so not having to buy it (or at least buy a lot of it anyway), is really, really nice, and sort of worth the pumping hassle.

I also continue to do it for the obvious health reasons, but even more so, because I do honestly like nursing her. I like that when she is cranky or tired I can just pop her on and she is happy. I like the sense of calm I get from her when she is nursing. It is really nice. I like that if I have to feed her in the middle of the night, there is nothing to prepare, and I can just fall asleep. I sort of wish that I could just stop nursing while at school and continue nursing the rest of the time, but my production is already low and my best time is the morning, so I do not know if I would continue to lactate if I didn't pump for 10-12 hours at a time. Maybe I could just drop to one time pumping during the day? Right now, I pump 3 times during the day- 2 on a bad day, but usually 3.

She already eats a lot of solid food (about 3 ounces for breakfast, 2 ounces for lunch, 2 ounces in the afternoon, and 3-4 ounces for dinner) and really loves it. You can tell she is already getting tired of pureed spoon feeding, and she is not even 6 months old! She is always reaching for our food, staring at our food, etc., but I know the majority of  her diet will continue to be milk for the next few months. Ugh... what do I do? I want to quit as much as I don't.  I just wish I could quit at school.

In other news, Vinny's teacher told me today, "He is SO creative!" I replied, "Yes, true, but what makes you say that?" She told me that there is always some story being created and some show being put on during play time. He is always the director and he is always searching for actors to be in his shows. Hahahahaha. I wonder where he gets that. She said today he was putting on a "Princess and the Frog" show and was insisting that he didn't have enough background singers. Too funny.

Sleep Deprivation and Figurative Language

I have lesson plan writer's block. I need to be writing a lesson right now, but I can't get through it. I keep getting stuck and distracted. So, I decided to blog instead. (Effective decision making, right?)
I am having one of those periods in my life where I feel like life is running away without me. It feels very much like running on a treadmill on a setting that feels just a little too fast to barely keep up. I desperately want to reach for the control panel and hit the "jog" button and turn the speed down, only it is not a treadmill, and I can't hit stop.
My son is sick with some weird infection in his eye, and he feels miserable. I came home from work early yesterday to care for him. By the end of his cranky, cranky day, I wanted to run away. So I did, after Tiana finally went to bed. Just to the gym, but, as tired as I was, it felt really freaking good. I think I exercised off the anxiety of the week. It was the PERFECT end to a rough day. They were showing Chicago in the movie theater and it was just starting, so I got to watch pretty much the whole thing, which meant I worked out pretty much non-stop for a little over and hour and a half. It is odd how much energy working out gives you. I felt wonderful today.

But now I am really tired, bordering on the edge of sleep deprived, which is honestly probably why I can't focus on lesson planning right now. I'm gonna try to go to bed soon here.

I just feel so bleh guilty that my son is sick, and I have to work and can't be here for him. I had to work from 7am-6pm today, and I have to do it again tomorrow. It is parent conference time, and I really need to be here for these. This is usually a rough couple of days, because it is so "go, go, go," but it feels awful to pretty much look at my husband when he says, "Vinny can't go to school tomorrow," and just throw my hands up. I do my best to help make arrangements, but I feel like my hands are just tied. I hate dumping my sick kid on other people. It makes me sick to my stomach to think about it.

We've reach an interesting point with Tiana and bed. She goes to bed every night in her own crib, and really likes it! In fact, it is now like she can't really relax and settle until I lay her down and she gets all comfy. Yet, I somehow wake up with her in my arms in the wee hours of the morning. I am not completely sure how she gets there. I might be getting up to get her, or Marc is and then putting her in my arms. I think, in my right mind, I would comfort her and put her back, but I am always a ridiculously hard sleeper, and I don't trace my nights well. I have been known to sleep walk and talk in my younger days, and the recollection of nighttime actions is exacerbated by sleep deprivation. I think maybe Spring Break will be the ultimate time to fix this.

You know what's funny... you know what my lesson is on right now- figurative language. Do I usually write with this much figurative language and I am just noticing it in the light of this lesson.... or am I subconsciously integrating my lesson topic into my blog?