Marc and I bravely decided to buy tickets to a Dodger game for the entire family. I didn't realize until after we bought the tickets that they were for Friday of Memorial Day weekend. Friday of Memorial Day? Oh my... traffic is going to be a nightmare!  

So, we planned around it. We both had the day off, so we decided we'd head down early to beat the traffic. We left at 3pm and mostly succeeded. Traffic was slightly worse than it would usually be at 3pm, but not awful. We surprised Vinny and Tiana with the Griffith Park trains and ponies. We were standing in line for the train, and Vinny was talking to the woman behind us about getting on the train and she said, "My parents used to take me to ride this train when I was your age."  I smiled, turned to her and said, "Me too!"  I hope someday Vinny will be taking his own children to Griffith Park.  Tiana really loved the train this time -- more than she has in previous trips. She was practically giddy the entire ride. 

After the park, we headed to a restaurant in Silver Lake, right near Dodger Stadium. It is called "Home" and it really did have that feel. I love this place. At the entrance, there are little fountains with Koi and lily pads, which Vinny found very impressive. They had a beautiful little patio, where I would love to eat on a warmer day, but we sat inside. The place has a remarkably cozy, yet refreshing feel. Huge, unique menu.

Then, we were off to Dodger stadium. We arrived early and found it practically empty. Oddly, it didn't really fill up either. I have to say, I am impressed with the changes. I don't know why people are staying away. The reduced parking cost (now only $10) was a pleasant change. The presence of police and private security was quite high. When I set out hunting for something to fill Tiana's cup with, the Dodger stadium staff was all over helping me. A woman pointed me towards the new "Club Marketplace" on the club level, where I found a little store with "healthier" food (which essentially meant I was buying Tiana low fat chocolate milk, but it was better than filling her sippy cup with Sprite). This store is a new development at Dodger stadium, and it is a sign of overall improvements. 

In fact, the vibe overall was healthier. Tiana had a wonderful time. It might of helped that we had a row to ourselves, where she could run up and down and play with the seats, and sit on the ground and color.  She started to get tired around 8:30, but for some reason, she got a second wind around 9pm, which lasted until she completely passed out at 10, at the beginning of the 9th inning. 

The Dodgers lost...   :-(      But it was a good night. We watched the fireworks show from our car. We had gotten lucky and were parked right next to where they launched them. Marc and I thought it was cool. Vinny thought it was terrifying. Haha. 

Audience?

My research design proposal is due tomorrow. I am nearing the final, final stages of completing it.  I will feel a HUGE weight lifted off my shoulders tomorrow. And then I can bare the full weight of producing Willy Wonka... since I need like 10 million costumes and props and stuff. Alright, I exaggerate, but seriously, the amount of stuff I need to accumulate in the next week feels out of control. Yikes.

This week has been interesting. After finishing my final paper for my composition class, I focused in on getting through the huge stack of grading waiting for me. As I spent my weekend grading papers, I became acutely aware of my students' lack of understanding of real audience. I had given my honors students a very open writing assignment, in which they were able to choose the audience. One student actually wrote a letter "Dear Anonymous." Other students checked off multiple items on the "Where are you sending this" section of my turn-in slip. One student checked off "Letter to the Editor" and "Petition."  Somehow... he thought it could be either. They were just so stuck in the genre of "essay" that they forgot or had a mental block preventing them from thinking about the fact that there are other genres out there, with real, non-teacher, audiences. So... I set about brainstorming a way to help them understand the importance, preferably quickly.  I found one, but I shall return to that later. 

When I really looked at the results, I have to say something really interesting happened with this assignment. Students either wrote AMAZING things, or they wrote terrible essay-ish things. One student wrote a fantastic letter to a company who allows advertisements for "barely legal" escorts, who are often, in fact, underaged, kidnapped sex slaves who have been forced into prostitution. Her letter was fantastic and very convincing. I expect it to achieve results. Another student wrote a petition (which, admittedly, she lacked a final audience for) to convince media outlets to stop portraying women unrealistically. Today, the very last paper I graded, was a beautiful, beautiful children's story. It was an allegory about bullying using a crow as the main character. This story is honestly so fantastic -- solid plot, great details, beautiful message -- I wholeheartedly believe it deserves to be published. I wish I had this book to read to my children. I started searching for "How to get a children's book published" and printed some resources for the student. I will stand by him in this process for as long as it takes, because this story is one that every child should hear. 

Today, before passing back the paper, I did an activity to help the students understand the audience issue. (One cannot give back Ds and Fs to an honors class without prefacing it with some sort of commentary).  First, I wrote on the board "Write a paragraph about love."  They wrote for 5 minutes. I stopped them.  "Now," I announced, "I want you to write a paragraph about love you might give to your future spouse some day." After 5 minutes, I stopped them again, "Now, I want you to write a paragraph about love you could write in a card to your mom or dad or a parent-like family member." After this, I asked them to read the three paragraphs over again and to decide which was the best writing. Only a couple of students liked their first paragraph the best (which worked out just like I expected of course), and so a wonderful conversation ensued about how knowing who you are writing for produces better results. 

There is a Taylor Mali poem about "What Teachers Make," in which he says, "I make a C+ feel like a Congressional Medal of Honor."  After explaining to the class the audience issues with the paper, I explained that there were significantly higher numbers of Ds and Fs than usual, mostly because of the audience issue. I offered them the opportunity to rewrite, which many will take. But I have to tell you, the celebrations that went on in my classroom today... they were wonderful. I am an admittedly tough grader. I give very few As. In my book, a student who scores in the top section of the rubric has very little room for improvement. This does not go over well with my honors students, but by May, they are starting to get used to it. If you have ever taught honors students, then you know that anything short of an A is often a disappointment, yet today, there were celebrations. A student with a B- said, "I am so proud of myself! I really worked for this B- and I know I deserved it!" 

A couple of weeks ago, one student sent me his rough draft of an audience-void essay in which he essentially stereotyped every Christian and talked about "them" all as the hateful Falwell-esque, "God Hates Fags" types. I pointed out the error in his logic and the irony in his stereotyping, told him honestly that I was hurt and offended by some of his remarks, and asked him kindly to revise. He did. He did his research, thought about what he was saying, and wrote a passionate, reasonable letter to a church denomination. I was genuinely proud of him, but the letter still had its issues. It received a C-. 

After he looked over his paper, he looked up and me, beaming from ear to ear, and said proudly, "It improved a lot, huh?" 

"Yes, very much," I replied with a smile. 

A C can certainly feel like a Congressional Medal of Honor... or in this case, a Nobel Peace Prize. And honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if this kid someday wins one.

Weekend!!!

Last weekend, I was irritated because I just wanted time and space to just be. This weekend, I am thrilled that I have just that. Okay... so I have a stack of hundreds of papers to grade, but other than that, lots of free time.

I had a very productive rehearsal today with tech and everything, which was nice. I have some very enthusiastic sophomores who are excited to learn tech and have already signed up for drama next year. Thy also are very promising kids, really. One kid is like so thrilled to be the spotlight king, it is wonderful. He spent the afternoon mastering the spotlight. You might not think this is a super complicated task, but Willy Wonka is kind of a complicated show, and in our auditorium, where lighting is just plain substandard, the spotlight can really create some magic. Another kid did a really good job of figuring out which lights were which and memorizing which numbers went with which scene. I'd shout, he'd fix. It was great. Plus, my semi-experienced student was totally on top of the music cues and did a fantastic job, especially for the first tech rehearsal. The best part... I get to keep these kids for two more years. Woo hoo!

The only thing I am worried about now is the situation with costumes and props. There is so much we need, it is not even funny. We are the scheduled group on campus for fundraising for this past week and next week, but we need so much money than I think we are going to be able to make.

We went to SubZero ice cream tonight after dinner. It was very cool. Vinny was impressed with the liquid nitrogen magic. I like the variety of flavors. I still like Hula Cookies and Ice Cream better, but this was a pretty close second. I <3 ice cream so much.

Next week is senior week. Since I am a senior advisory teacher, this means that I will be on field trips most of the week. The nice part is... barely any lesson planning. Okay, getting paid to spend time at Magic Mountain and the beach is pretty cool too. It does make for a kind of chaotic week for me though. That's okay. I'm looking forward to it, especially the beach.

Tomorrow, Vinny has his first rehearsal for the summer musical theatre workshop he is doing. He will be in a production of Sound of Music at the end of the summer. He is excited, and I am excited for him. I think this is going to be a good fit for him.  The rehearsal is at CSUN, which works well for me. I can get my lit review revision done.

I love weekends.

Behind my eye balls

Stress is doing terrible things to me right now. Seriously. I am writing this right now instead of writing the lit review that I should be writing, because writing is cathartic and I need to write.

Yesterday, I was so stressed that I had a difficult time eating dinner. We eat dinner at my parents' house on Sunday nights, and my dad barbecued. I love when he barbecues, but I could barely finish half a burger.

I woke up feeling like my thoughts were swimming in a sea of grey matter in my brain. By the time I got to my classroom this morning, I realized that the physical effects of stress were really taking their toll on me. These effects have gotten progressively worse throughout the day. My neck feels so tight it is painful to move my head quickly. I can actually feel the knots in my shoulders and the back of my neck. I mean like, when I rub the back of my neck, I can actually feel the knots in my muscles. It is the strangest thing. If I rub them, they roll.

I finished one of my finals tonight and experienced some momentary euphoria thinking about how good it felt to be half done with that task. Then, about 30 minutes later, I started to develop a crazy bad headache. It is like a combo sinus-stress headache. One where it feels like the center of the pain is right behind my eye balls. I realized that I hadn't taken my allergy meds in a couple of days, which was really stupid.... I just forgot. Too much in my head. Lately, if it isn't in my phone... if my phone doesn't pop up a reminder to tell me to do it... then it doesn't get done.

Just a few more days.  I can do this. My papers are due Thursday. Grades are due Tuesday. If I can survive the next 9 days, it should be smooth sailing from there.

A Me Sunday

Today needed to be about doing what I want. So I made sure it was.

This morning, I took the kids to the beach. Vinny needed "ocean artifacts" for a school project, and I needed sand and sun. I love everything about going to the beach, even the drive.

The shortest distance between two points is a straight line, and the straightest line between my house and the beach ironically is through several winding canyons. These winding canyons actually make for a positively beautiful drive. Vinny loves driving through the canyon. His therapist is in the other end of the canyon as well, so this is a drive we make regularly, but he still loves looking for the flying pig and Cinderella's castle. (Yes, you read correctly, and no, the canyon does not involve a tumble down a rabbit hole, but we live near some pretty eccentric people).

Look in the center... flying pig.

I love the spots where the greenery creates a tunnel of leaves and the unique mailboxes and address signs.  Malibu Canyon is also beautiful. It is the stuff you see in movies. Literally... actually, there was a spot today where traffic slowed because a movie crew was taking up most of the road. Haha. I sincerely love California.

The beach was wonderful. Tiana was in a super cuddly mood and spent most of the day sitting on my lap. I sort of like these moments. And I love the way she just backs her little tush up to me and plops herself down so confidently and snuggles right up against my chest. And then, the way she sometimes looks up at me from my lap, smiles, and says, "Hi."  She is so funny.


Vinny at the beach is clear evidence of what happens when you drag your child to the beach a good 50 times a year or so. They become one with the sand and the surf. From the moment we arrived, the smile did not leave his face. He buried himself in the sand. He jumped in the waves. He also completely missed the moment that a dolphin surfaced a mere 10 yards in front of him. He keeps talking about putting a picture of a dolphin on his ocean poster. I could barely get him to sit still long enough to finally see its fin.

After the beach, I went out with Tina for the afternoon. It was wonderful. We had jamba juice, and pedicures, and an early dinner. Although I probably should have spent some time working this weekend, I think that today was good for my soul. There is a section in The Happiness Advantage where he shares that, although our brains might tell us in stressful times to pull ourselves away from everything and pour all of ourselves into work, those who maintain healthy social connections actually tend to be more productive and more successful. I believe it. I feel far more ready to go back to work after a day like today than I would have after working like crazy all day.

Spring is hard. Teachers and students are all at their breaking points, trying to shove everything in by the end of the year. No matter how hard I try to keep Spring from getting this way for me, external forces seem to make it impossible. I think all I can do is take back a Sunday where I can.

Yes. I'm tired. Don't talk.

I suppose it is the sign of my times that I haven't written since last weekend. I kept my head above water this week... barely.

The approaching May deadlines for my final exams (which aren't "exams," they are papers, but might as well be exams) loom warily in the distance, but I know that objects in my calendar are closer than they may appear. I've been trying to dedicate myself to getting my homework done, but life is, well, life and it demands, well... it demands.

So, anyhow, I decided to take Thursday off work to get a bunch of stuff done. Knowing I could sleep in a  little, I took advantage of the fact that I truly am a night person, and I stayed up late Wednesday finishing the research for my literature review. Feeling satisfied that I had sufficiently exhausted my search for scholarly writing in the field of positive psychology in education and practically everything related (not an easy task), I went to bed ready to have a productive Thursday.

And productive it was!

Thursday felt wonderful. I snuggled with Tiana on the couch for about 15 minutes before getting right to work. By the time my mom arrived at 8:30, I was in the full swing of essay writing, and I pretty much didn't stop until lunch.  I put in a good page worth of writing on the somewhat difficult final paper for my composition class, read and summarized about half of the stack of research i printed for my lit review, caught up on readings for my research class, wrote the reflective assignments for that class, and prepared for a meeting with a fashion professor about partnering with her next year to get a grant for costumes for my musical. I had lunch with my mom, then I went to the meeting with the professor. The situation is looking promising.

As overwhelmed as I was feeling, I am feeling somewhat more in control as of this moment, but I will say that by the time Friday came, I was SO ready for it to be Friday. Then, I got home and realized that the vast majority of my weekend was filled with stuff I didn't want to do.   :/

That sounds really negative I know, and I am trying to be all about the positive lately, but it is how I was feeling last night. It took a few hours of undeserved self-pity, but I'm over it.  Every cloud has a silver lining, and I always find it if I look.

I must say thought, it is hard to find the silver lining in sitting at a track meet for 6 hours, in the heat of the day, for my athletically-challenged child to run for about 3 minutes. I suppose the silver lining in this cloudless day, is that I only had to watch Tiana for about 2 hours before my parents saved the day. Sitting in the stands without her gave me time to read my book, and I rarely ever get time to read for pleasure, so that was actually kind of nice. Vinny was also remarkably well-behaved for a kid who is normally not very patient. Because of timing issues, the meet ran about 4 hours behind, so he had to sit in the stands and just wait for about 5 hours before even his first event came up.

Vinny was good for a laugh in the 400 meter. In this event, runners starts near the end of the stands, then run all the way around the track, so the last 75 meters or so, they are running past the stands full of cheering parents. Vinny's team members are watching and realize (out loud, I might emphasize), "Oh my gosh, Vinny's actually beating someone!"  and they all start cheering. So what does Vinny do?  Look up and run the next 30 yards or so looking up in the stands and waving, a perfect parade wave. It was CLASSIC. My kid is born to be a star. I might add that he did manage to stay in his lane while waving at us for those 30 yards or so. And he also STILL beat one kid from the other team. It is nice not to be last.

For the next race, I advised him to keep his eyes on the finish line, and he sure did. He was still the slowest on his team, but he beat one kid this time too, and it was a different kid from a different team, so that made me feel a little bit better, and I could tell he was proud of himself too (although I don't think he really cares if he is last).

By late this afternoon, spending the entire day outside had really taken its toll on me. I was lying on the couch in a state of fatigue, when I realized that I hadn't really been able to catch my breath for a few hours. Spring and I don't get along. Pollen is my enemy. My asthma was really bothering me. The silver lining here.... the beauty of owning my own nebulizer. Health insurance and good doctors can really be a blessing. Of course, this involves pumping my lungs full of tons of wonderful steroids (no, not being sarcastic), but it is worth it. At one cranky moment, I said to Marc, "It sure would be nice to be able to get just one nice deep breath right about now!" About 30 minutes later, I realized I'd taken several unlabored deep breaths, and it was one of those moments where you just refreshingly remember how nice it feels to just be alive. (Of course, as I write this, I am feeling tight all over again, but it is a cycle. I will take my victories where I can until Spring blows away).

This evening, Marc had a youth group all- nighter planned. I initially really wanted to go on the scavenger hunt part, since these are just really fun, but I ended up being the official score keeper instead, which meant all the kids had to text their photos to me. I added up the points, downloaded the photos, and made a beautiful slideshow for the kids to watch after. It was a fun way to spend my evening at home with Tiana.

Yes, just Tiana. Vinny got to be an honorary teenager for the night. He went on the scavenger hunt and got to be on his favorite babysitter's team. Marc even let him stick around for the trip to the trampoline place. He just got home a few minutes ago, and it is almost midnight. He was like a little zombie though. Very funny. When I asked him if he had fun, he replied, "Yes. I'm tired. Don't talk."  Hahahaha.

I felt like I practically did have a teenager, waiting up past 11 for my son to get home so I could go to bed. But now he is home, and well... I am tired, so I am going to bed.

Relaxing Weekend

This was a relatively relaxing weekend, which is probably a good thing, since it is going to be the last one for quite some time. Life is about to get really busy.

A friend text me today and asked if I would like to get together for a pedi sometime soon to catch up. My instant reaction was, "Oooo, yes! I miss this friend, and I am always down for a pedi." So I clicked on my calendar to try to figure out when I could tell her would be a good time (Google Calendar runs my life). As I clicked through the days I realize... there isn't a good time! In order to go for a pedicure, I must be free (duh), Marc (or someone) must be free to stay with the kids, and it must be before 7pm (most nail places close early). This made for a no go. The earliest date I could give her is two weeks away! How is that for depressing?  

Studies have shown that a person's social circle is instrumental in his/her happiness, and a person's happiness is instrumental in his/her productivity. This is why, despite being crazy with work and school right now, I am trying to make it a priority to still spend time with my friends; however, with my busy schedule, this is not as easy as I would like it to be, so I have been trying to get social time wherever I can squeeze it in. Instead of working through lunch, I try to spend some time chatting with Leslee (which sometimes turns into work two, but that's okay). When we had a prolonged dinner break on Thursday night, I convinced (okay, she didn't take much convincing) Kaitlin that we should make a beeline for Acapulco's happy hour. These little things might not sound like much, but they make a difference in my overall stress level. I am trying to remind myself that I will fit these things in and that time for pedicures is just around the corner. 

Anyhow... so I ended up having a pretty relaxing weekend. I didn't have rehearsal Friday afternoon, so I started off my weekend laying out by the pool at my parents' house. Afterwards, we all went to dinner at El Patio. Their margaritas and enchiladas are pretty much the best way to begin any weekend. 

Vinny's allergies were bothering him all week with this super sunny weather (he even came home from school early on Wednesday), so I decided it was a good weekend to skip the track meet, especially since Marc was busy with church and Tiana does not do well with prolonged time outside on hot days. She gets a heat rash, even when she is completely shaded. So, we stopped by the food truck "festival" at the park (which one could hardly call a food truck festival -- there were only 4 trucks) for a little while and had lunch with my dad at the Haunt Dawgz truck, followed by cupcakes from Sweet Arleen's. It was sort of odd having two kids old enough to want to play. This is the first time I have attended an event like this where Tiana has run to the jumpers wanting to play. 

In the afternoon, I tended to my new garden while Tiana napped. I am growing tomatoes, cucumbers, cilantro, basil, green beans, lettuce, chives, peppers, and a lemon tree. I do not have a green thumb at all, and I have rarely had much success with my gardening efforts (despite my father's annual success), but I am really giving it the old "college try" this year. I created a gopher-proofed garden bed and set reminders in my calendar so my phone will remind me to water it. 

Last night, Marc and I went out to dinner and to the movies to see Chimpanzee. Chimps are totally my favorite animal, and I initially thought Vinny might want to see it with me, but he turned me down flat, so Marc planned a date night for us. It was a really cute movie. I don't want to spoil the end for any of you, but I will just say that people could learn a lot from monkeys. 

Today I sort of ran around like a chicken with my head cut off. Rushed off to church this morning, lunch with the in laws, grocery shopping (big trip to last a few weeks), study time, and then bingo night at church. When I arrived at bingo, Vinny came running over to me dressed in a knight's hood and vest and riddler's cape, holding the paper shield he made in Sunday school today and the foam sword he bought in the dollar bin at Target. He was quite the sight. I had decided that he could come to bingo since he is just learning his numbers. It was good for him too. At the beginning of the night, he kept asking me to help him, but by the end, he really had a good handle of it by himself and knew all the numbers. He won one of the games and chose a marshmallow gun (joy). Marc came home with a football-shaped Budweiser barbecue for tailgating and a solar lighted bronze duck. Um... yeah. Our church is so wonderfully odd. Just like us. 

Murphy's Law

I should be in bed. Sleep deprivation is going to eat me alive by this weekend. I am averaging about 4-5 hours of sleep a night this week.

But I think I might have to write tonight to maintain my sanity.

Tonight really was the pits, which sucks because I had a really good day. I headed home from work at about 5pm. It had been a busy, albeit rather productive day. In addition, it was a very positive feeling day. My lesson plans during period 1 and 2 were amazing. We fell behind in both classes, but it was due to wonderfully productive student discussions and learning experiences too valuable to cut short.

 I got to congratulate one of my students on getting accepted to an elite, all-expenses-paid international student leadership institute this summer in Washington D.C. I wrote a condolences letter to another student who applied who wanted it just as badly. He thanked me for the letter and told me that the letter made his day. I was feeling really bad for this kid, so knowing that I helped kind of made my day.

I had a great conversation with a friend at work, and it made me feel a lot better about events from the last week overall. We made a lot of book money with our book fair this week, which means more books in the hands of our students, which is always a good thing. Rehearsal afterschool was wonderfully productive and actually kind of fun. I shared theatre anecdotes and analogies. We polished, polished, polished our two big opening numbers, and they are just going to be beautiful.

Then tonight... happened.

The delivery I ordered for dinner never came. An hour later, I got a call that the driver had been in a fender bender, so we ate whatever could be scavenged from my week of non grocery shopping. God must be trying to prevent me from lazying into getting take-out 2 nights in a row.

Vinny stayed up until 10:00 doing homework because he was just being so defiant and I was having none of it. It was RIDICULOUS. He initially flat out refused to do it, opened the sliding glass door, and headed out back to play (letting Tiana out with him). After much yelling at him to get back inside, he did a few easy clock activities, then stared at one question for 2 hours, pretty much defiantly refusing to just try to read and decode it himself. They were words he knows, he just didn't feel like putting effort into it and wanted me to tell him what the directions were. I don't play that game.

 I am a high school teacher. I know the difference between "I don't know how to do this" and "I don't feel like exerting the mental effort to do this." Tonight was definitely the latter. Vinny and I are equally stubborn, so it turned into a 2 hour standoff. He sat, for 2 hours, vacillating between staring at the page while incoherently sounding out non-existent words (This=Tuss, Time=Teemeh) and defiantly staring off into space . The standoff eventually broke with me agreeing to tell him one word at a time, but only accompanied by making him orally chant the spelling of each word for about 5 minutes and then copying each word about 25 times. He was crying for his last 5 or so recitation of "T - H - I - S spells 'this,'" but he learned that pretending not to know words he has know since September ("this" was tested as a sight word in September and has appeared frequently since) is not an option and will result in utterly painful consequences.

Ironically, the sentence he was refusing to read was:
"This is the time I go to bed:"

By the time he eventually decoded the sentence, he was justified in asking what to put as the answer. His bed time is 8:00, but he had, by that point, figured out that tonight's bedtime would be drastically different, so the answer to this question was rather ambiguous at that moment.

This has been a constant struggle lately. Vinny just has too much homework, and by the time he gets home, he is genuinely tired, so I can see, from a developmental standpoint, why he is declaring his desire to play and avoiding work. I can see how his little 5-year-old brain would be tired of processing after so many hours at school, and I can understand the laziness, but the stubborness is just... wow.

To top it all off, by the time Marc got home, we realized we could not find the Roku remote. We don't have any cable or anything, so without the Roku... we get nothing. I know that the last time it was used was in the living room, to turn on a show for Tiana to watch before dinner. I don't remember what happened to it after that point. We both spent about an hour tearing the house apart looking for it, but we didn't find it. I ultimately ordered another one. But what could have happened to the first one?  I am so confused. I feel like we have looked everywhere in this whole house, but then again, Tiana is a little sneaky squirrel. She may have hidden it away somewhere, perhaps even unitentionally.

On the positive side, in an effort to focus on my own stuff and ignore Vinny's awfulness, I got a lot of work done tonight.

I am so ready for the sun to rise.

The Many Facets of Me

On Friday night, I saw American Idiot. Towards the end, there is a musical number called "East 12th Street" during which the punk rock protagonist gets a desk job. He is clearly happy to be free of some of his former demons, but laments the oppression of the American desk job, chanting "Somebody get me out of here, Anybody get me out of here."  The final verse says..
I just want to be free,Is there a possibility?Get me out of here right now,This life-like dream ain't for me

Free
Isn't that what everyone wants? To be free?
I had my days of desk job lamenting during and shortly after college, feeling like I would never feel "free" in my ability to live my dreams, like that life was just so far away... but it really wasn't.

I basically have three jobs now. Let me tell you about my 3 jobs today.


Job 1:  English/Drama Teacher
Today, I helped run our school's read-in event (students read all day) which this year included a book fair. I spent part of my morning selling books to students out of our school's teacher's lounge. I smiled inside as I listened to kids talk about wanting more than one book and cringed when their funds allowed them to only pick one. I smiled at the beautiful knowledge that the $10 book purchase was much more of a sacrifice for those parents than it would have been for mine, yet they still made it. We must be making a difference. 


In the afternoon, I helped end the day with a reading rally where I stood on stage with the microphone and played a "Let's Make a Deal" style race-to-the-front game where I watched students climb over each other to be the first to show me "a book with at least 500 pages" or "a graphic novel" or a "war book." It was wonderful fun. 


I rounded out my day with leading a somewhat discouraging discussion amongst my grade level colleagues on students within special populations in our school. I tried to keep my chin up and our conversation moving. 


I closed up the book fair and headed off to job 2. 


Job 2: Mom/Minister's Wife
I rushed home in time for Nanny/Grandma to make it to a dinner meeting. I arrived to see my kids happily playing on the swings in the backyard, but watched a complete meltdown ensue upon telling Vinny to get dressed for track practice. I checked on my recently planted vegetable garden and reminded myself to water it later. My husband rushed through the door with just enough time to change clothes and take Vinny to practice. I checked emails and browsed Facebook for a few minutes while Tiana watched Elmo. I see something that academic me will want to respond to later, so I make a mental note.


I went to  start dinner and discovered that my plan of baked (okay, microwaved) potatoes and canned chili had been foiled by a lack of potatoes (how did I miss that?).  After a brief moment of contemplation between take out or the grocery store, I dug for coupons and headed to El Pollo Loco. Ran into someone from church who called me by my last name, which means she probably only remembers that I am "Marc's Wife" and was trying to find a way to say hi anyway. I am not bothered by this because I am only 90% sure that her name is Lisa.  I made small talk and introduced myself to her godson. 


The food took too long, so by the time I got it home, I was rushing and Tiana was crying "Dinner dinner" which of course makes me feel like a terribly mom, but I took a deep breath and moved on. Tiana ate dinner while I made Marc a package to take with him to the youth board meeting. When Vinny got home, I sat down and ate with him and listened to him tell me all sorts of wonderful things, like that Cole brought a lightup yo yo to share today. I made jokes about going to sleep immediately, which Vinny did not get, but lead to some funny conversations:
"Hello! Mommy! You cannot go to bed. We have a baby here, and she is not going to take care of herself." 
"No, Mommy, I cannot put myself to bed because I need your help to tuck me in." 
"No, I cannot stay up all night. God doesn't want us to see how he makes morning, and that's why we have to sleep at nights." 
As tired as I am at the end of the day, I would not trade these moments for the world. 


Job 3: Academic Me
This is somehow my favorite and least favorite part of the day all at once. It is me, alone (proverbially speaking, most of the time) with my papers and computer, entering the ongoing conversation of academia and students' lives, as I do my Masters coursework (or subconsciously avoid doing, as the case would be this week), prepare lesson plans, and read and respond to student work. 


Tonight, I planned to quickly prepare a powerpoint for my honors lesson plan, but to devote the majority of my time to working on my Masters coursework. My finals are due in 3 weeks, and I still have a midterm to revise. I am behind and feeling a little overwhelmed, so I reached out to my FB world for some support. 


On an easygoing night (which so few are these days), I settle down on the couch with my computer to pursue this part of me and my life, but tonight was not moving very smoothly, so settle is hardly the word I would use. I sat in the bathroom, leaning against the wall with my laptop on my lap, while Tiana took a bath and Vinny played out back. I am constantly teaching Tiana "No splashing the computer," which is really rather humorous when I think about it. I return to the FB post from before, which is a former student commenting on a debate that happened in his college class that day. It relates very much to my current unit of study with my honors class, so I sent him a message to see if he would come talk to my class tomorrow. 


Suddenly, I heard screams from the backyard, so I had to make a momentary decision and decided to run to the back door to check on my son. He was fine, although soaking wet. The sprinklers are on a timer. It was apparently time for Vinny to come in. 


Thank God for smart students who stay nearby, Bryan is willing to come, so, excited about this addition to tomorrow's honors lesson, and I decided to start the Powerpoint. 


Meanwhile, the FB world responded to my appeal with many reasons to think positive, which did actually put me in great spirits (not to mention provide much desired digressions from my work). I chatted with a friend from high school who currently teaches at a university up north. We got to talking about her courses this semester, which ironically sound a lot like entire classes on my current unit. This beautiful discussion ended in the sharing of some favorite articles that I decided to print out and share with my class. The topic relates to both information covered on their recent trip to a museum and to their next writing assignment, so I am grateful to have this expository text to help beef up their current study. 


By 11:00, I still have not touched my Masters coursework. Of course, I did have great academic discussions, with former students, old friends, etc., which ultimately resulted in a beautiful lesson plan for tomorrow than involves college-level expository texts and a guest speaker. 


Tomorrow will have to be homework day. (Although I am pretty sure I said that yesterday too). 


Although fighting droopy eyelids, I quit the academia for the night to write in my blog, because writing is at the soul of who I am, and I have thoughts to process. 


I think about tomorrow, which will involve a reader's theatre of Boy in the Striped Pajamas, a writers workshop, set painting, costume shopping, finding an audio means of teaching a student a British accent, and rehearsing the finer details of traveling in a pink candy boat and falling down a nut chute. 

Yes, I think my take on East 12th Street would look something like this...

This dream-like life is for meI belong right here right nowOh the possibilities....I am free

China

I didn't write on my blog in China because blogger is blocked in China. I was shocked how many things are blocked in China. No Facebook. No YouTube. No Blogger. When you click a link, there is always a chance it may open, but there is a greater likelihood that it will not. It is very strange and really made me appreciate the finer points of freedom.

I did write some daily blogs on word that I thought about posting, but at this point, I don't think anyone really feels like reading 8 days worth of blogs, so I am going to just write in general. 

China was quite the experience. We visited 3 schools - one high school in Beijing, one high school in Shanghai, and one preschool/kindergarten in Shanghai. I honestly wish we had spent more time at the schools and less time shopping. My impressions of education there were varied. The high schools were both more traditional. They are very into science and have science labs that would make the teachers at my school drool. I sat in on an English class in Beijing and taught an English class in Shanghai. My understanding of their take on education is that students there are basically receivers of their education, not active participants in it. I believe that most students here see their education as an experience, which they help shape. Students there see their education as something they receive. They sit in their chairs and listen and read and write. They don't talk. They don't do group work. They don't discuss ideas or contribute their thoughts or experiences to their education in any way. When they were studying Marco Polo at the school in Beijing, the theme was basically travel experiences, and I thought for sure at the end that the sentence frames at the end of the lesson (Things like  "______ traveled to ______,"  " _______ was surprised by_______," "_______was impressed by________") would be used for students to discuss their experiences, but they were not. It was just another way for the students to summarize the text that they had read. When I asked some of the students and teachers about this later, I was told, in so many words, that students experiences, thoughts, and feelings do not really matter. Only the text matters. This was both surprising and somewhat saddening to me. If students' today are not generators of ideas, how will we have texts for tomorrow? Did these people completely miss the enlightenment? Apparently so....

When we taught in Shanghai, it seemed that the students had the same impression of education, but we did our best to give them a taste of student-centered collaborative education. We taught about character traits. We got them up and talking about their friends and themselves and Justin Bieber (we used a Justin Bieber song as our text). We had them work in groups. We had them stand up and find peers on the other side of the room to discuss the text and themselves. They were hesitant at first, but it didn't take long to get them giggling and talking about confidence and laziness and success. It was a really good experience. 

The preschool in Shanghai was eye opening . I don't know if it was a picture of preschools in China in general, especially because this was a new school that just opened and is run by a principal who interned for several months at my school here in the U.S., but it was interesting to see their completely student-centered developmental approach to education. It appears that they do teach academics as well, but their classrooms were beautiful spaces full of places for students to explore. In the half hour I observed, I watched little boys memorizing the Shanghai subway map on a wall, a little girl counting money while playing cashier at a play store, groups of children spontaneously putting on a show for their teachers and peers, little boys playing hair salon, little girls playing house, a boy pretending to drive a bus getting pulled over (by another little boy playing policeman) and trying to negotiate his way out of a traffic ticket (yes, this actually happened). It was amazing and made me really reconsider my belief in fundamental education for young children, because these kids were really learning a variety of things in a variety of ways and they looked happy and curious and confident. Honestly... this experience may have changed the way I approach the education of my own young children. 

Other than visiting schools, we saw a lot of sights. I realized that I don't really like touring with groups, as I would far rather really experience new places than just briefly see everything that they have to offer, and the tour group was pretty much about making us see ten million places (and trying to sell us overpriced silk and pearls and stuff, but that's a whole nother story). Basically, I don't like being rushed on vacation, and much of the time on this trip that is how I felt, but, it was a free trip, and I saw a ton of cool things that I never would have seen otherwise, so I am 100% grateful for the experience. 

China here I come

I am leaving for China in 8 hours. Our plane departs at 1:40 a.m. I went through a period of brief, yet intense anxiety today on the way home from work, imagining all of the things that could happen and how terrifying it would be if we had an emergency landing. I spent some time wondering how painful and terrifying crashing would be. Then I took a deep breath and got over it.

Okay, let me be honest. I came home and chatted with my mom for an hour while she sewed my pants and I sipped pinot grigio. The glass of wine left me feeling markedly better, and I thought about how I have a beautiful bottle of anxiety medication ready for the flight, and I remembered that good conversation is a wonderful distraction to me, and I remembered that I am flying with my 2nd family... my colleagues, and I will have a ton to talk about with them. Plus, I will bring travel Scrabble, which got me through labor with both of my children and can certainly get me through a flight to China. Hopefully... I will just get tired and fall asleep.

Now I am starting to get excited. I am imagining the amazing sights of the Eastern Venice. I am picturing the Great Wall. I am thinking about the beautiful 5 star hotels we will be staying in. Other than the whole not being able to communicate thing, it is going to be awesome.

I am grateful for...

My Mom
The woman is a phenomenon. Seriously...  she is the phenomemom! Really. Today, while Vinny was at school, she picked up balloons  at Rite Aid and blew them up to have around the house so that they could have a "party." She had a grandma grandkid party with the kids all afternoon. They had party music, ate party snacks, and played party games, all afternoon.

When Marc and I came home at 6, she had the dinner hot and ready and the house completely clean (except for the balloons, which she left around for a few more days of fun, I suppose).

My mom is amazing, and I am so grateful for the ways she makes my life easier.

Barb
Barb is one of my best friends. Most Mondays and some Saturdays, we hit the gym together. Sometimes we do yoga, and other times we cardio, depending our energy level. We pretty much always close with the hot tub. She also teaches English at a high school nearby. In a couple of hours of time, we vent, plan lessons, reflect on our teaching, problem solve each other's areas of concern about student learning, and come up with neat ideas for projects. We share our triumphs and tribulations without judgment or jealousy.

My friendship with Barb has convinced me that most of the world's problems could probably be solved over a half hour conversation on the treadmill and an hour in the jacuzzi.

Students Who Say Thanks and Students Who Make Me Proud
UC schools sent out their acceptances last week. Many of my students got in to UCLA, which is the dream school for most of my students. Three students in my advisory got in (one is holding out for Stanford's decision, but the other two are definitely going).  The other two came to me today to tell me thank you, that they couldn't have done it without me. I cannot tell you how good that made me feel. The senior English teacher gets a lot of comments like this, but I don't really work very closely with the seniors, so I do not get these comments very often.

Because I have a senior advisory this year, I spent hours in the fall helping these students with their personal statements, especially because I knew how much these students deserved this opportunity and how much it would change their lives. Both of these girls are from very low income families and will be the first of their families to go to college. This experience is going to completely change their lives.
I am so grateful for students who make me proud to be a teacher and remind me why I do what I do... and even have the hearts to thank me for my effort.

Some of these awesome kids will be Bruins this fall.  :-)

My kid belongs on a stage, not a field

Tiana lately is such a barrel of laughs. I have this feeling that when I come home from China, she is going to be like a completely different kid. She says new stuff every day. Her vocabulary is expanding at an exponential rate. Yesterday, when she was ready to get out of the bath, she stood up and said, "Towel!"  Then, this morning, in the car, she picked up a Burger King crown, put it on her head and said, "I da queen!"  When she woke up this morning, she called me by saying, "Ana up! Ana up!"  I guess that is how she hears her name.

Vinny had a track meet today. My poor kid really just belongs on a stage so much more than he belongs on a field. I think I am going to intentionally insist that he nurture his artistic side instead of his athletic side. Research has proven that people's abilities to grow in their areas of strength are significantly higher than their abilities to grow in their areas of weakness. I went to this training at school this week that was all about Strengths training. They talked about the fact that we are who we are as people from the time we are children... we just become MORE who we are. 

Vinny is just not a good athlete and likely really never will be.  This is not surprising; it is in his genes. Marc is a good swimmer. I am an okay swimmer. My mother enjoys aerobics and riding her bike. It pretty much stops there.  We are not a family of athletic people and never have been. We are an artistic family though, on both sides. My dad is a born performer with a degree in theatre arts. Theatre is my passion too. Even Marc was successful in theatre as a kid. He did numerous musicals and even had a couple of decent roles as he got older. While I am sure that our influence had something to do with this, you can just tell that the arts are in Vinny's nature. Everything in his world is a show. He enjoyed theatre and was able to sit through full-length productions at a much earlier age than most of his friends. I am pretty sure he was just shy of 3 years old when he saw his first full length musical (and enjoyed it).  

I was very much like Vinny...  athletic endeavors always sounded like fun, but I was never any good at them. I tried soccer for a season when I was 8. When I was 9 and 10 years old I did the junior olympics, once on a relay team (I was definitely the weakest link) and once on a tri-cap-a-lon team, which was basically sit-ups. I am actually pretty darn good at sit ups, but I am not sure that this actually qualifies as athletic activity. I swam freshman year of high school, actually enjoyed it, and wasn't the worst either. Vinny is pretty good at swimming too, actually.  Aquatics are just an odd exception to our family's history of overall poor athletic achievement. 

Okay, so he did beat the kid who got dq-d for jumping the gun.

So, Vinny came in last in both of his events today. He still had fun though, and I suppose that is all that matters, but I do not think I will allow him to continue doing youth sports once track is over. Kids deserve to feel successful, just like adults. We are happiest when we play to our strengths. His strengths are in the arts, and nurturing these just seems like the more logical choice. I do feel it is important to have an active lifestyle, but people underestimate the effort involved in theatre and dance and stuff like that. 

My "Charlie" in Willy Wonka is out of breath pretty much every day, which tells me she is doing it right. Musical theatre involves throwing 100% of one's energy into a character. When Charlie wins that golden ticket, you can bet she is going to jump up and down and sprint through the "streets." 

Life feels so chaotic right now. I took a beautiful day off yesterday, but by 11:00 a.m. today, I was more stressed than ever. My sub yesterday did not follow my instructions, which made this morning very stressful.
Today was an art day, which always makes me crazy. The mess is insane.  But the results are always amazing, and I know that next week is going to be amazing. Sigh.

Yesterday was wonderful. I slept in and then did my homework while we all slowly got ready and then made our way to the farm. I remembered that when Vinny was Tiana's age, he loved the experience of picking berries, and Tiana loves strawberries more than anyone I know (except maybe me). I thought the farm would be right up her alley, and it was...

.... or should I say, she was right up their alley. When Vinny was her age, he was all about picking the strawberries (and still is). Tiana was about asking me to hand her one, "BAH BERRY!" Then, she'd gleefully run down the road, gobbling down her berry. It was a wonderful morning.



      And then I went to school. Sigh.  I experienced an academic first yesterday. I received a paper back with the comment "I am not going to score this as it is written." Wow.... that is like... almost worse than an F. I have made this comment on papers before, but only papers that I felt like were so bad they were almost ungradeable. Ouch.  Well, I guess there is a first for everything.

Welcome to graduate school.

      In trying to let Vinny enjoy his Spring Break, we have been letting him stay up later than usual watching movies. Tonight, he was watching Chicken Run, which ended at around 9:00. When Marc asked him to get ready for bed, he got really whiny about not wanting to brush his teeth, change, etc. Marc commented that he needs to go to bed early the rest of Spring Break then, because he is acting like a baby.

     Vinny responds, "I'm a baby huh? Give me a bottle then! Where's my blanky? Change my diaper! Waaaa! Put me in a crib! Carry me around everywhere! If I am a baby!"

     I am not even joking.

     I have been really good about working out lately. I have been more active than usual lately, not overeating (although snacking during the day is an issue, although I don't think it is too much of an issue considering my lunches are usually less than 500 calories each), etc. Last week I went back to yoga for the first time in like a month. I forced myself to go last night, even though no one was going with me (which is perseverance for me, because I am totally a social exerciser and have trouble forcing myself to go without a buddy), and it was a really good night for me. I guess I just was not feeling tense. I was able to get deeper into most of the poses than I usually get, although today I really have been feeling it. Mo wanted to work out tonight, but since Marc had a meeting, I invited her over for Fitness TV via Hulu. Woo hoo!  (Did I mention I don't miss cable at all?)  I also discovered a lot of Yoga videos on Hulu, so I am going to try some more of them on nights I have time and there isn't class at the gym. I really do like the class at the gym though. It is relaxing.   :-)

     We had a meeting today about the China trip. I am apparently leaving in the middle of the night on Thursday. I need to get to the airport by around 10:30 p.m. Thursday night, which is very late and not convenient at all. The return time is even less convenient. We come back at 11:00 a.m. on Easter morning. Everyone I know is at church at that time on Easter. Hmmm.... I really don't want to park at the airport.

     I am really going to miss my kids. It is hard not to think about that.

But this is an opportunity of a life time.