Here comes tech week

My kiddos are so funny and getting so big. (Which reminds me, Tiana has taken to occasionally calling me "kiddo," which is really funny).

Today, Tiana threw a fit over wanting to go to the beach. As we were headed home from church, I asked, "Want to go home and have lunch?" She replied, "No. I want to go to the beach." Oh my. After I cracked up, I told her that it was too cold and she cried a lot. "Beeach!  BEEEEEEEAAAACH!" So funny. I mean, not that its funny that she was sad, but the fact that it has taken a brief two years to turn her into a beach bum. 

I decided today that Vinny needs to start packing his own lunches. I mean, we will of course help him, but he does so much complaining about his lunch. If he is capable of making breakfast for himself and Tiana, he is capable of packing his lunch. We are trying to get him to include variety in his choices too, so that he enjoys his lunch and enjoys eating all the healthy food I spend so much money on. 

Now, I just need to help him come up with fun ideas.

The next three weeks is going to be killer. After this, I need to try to force myself to get some balance back into my life.  You know... I love teaching drama, but I hate that it involves so much time away from my family. I am finding more and more lately that I love my job and love my students, but I love my own kids more. 

I think I could manage this if we pretty much only did simple productions. One acts, very few musicals, etc. I now understand why my high school did not do a real musical in the entire time I was in high school. We had a very active drama department, but musicals are a whole nother beast.

I look at my calendar for the next 2

Siblings and Such

 So, it looks like 2013 will be the year of Snoopy and the Peanuts Gang. Tiana's not in love with them yet, but she will grow to be.

When Vinny was two years old, we got annual passes to Disneyland. We always said we would do it again someday, and we were considering doing it again when I got pregnant with Tiana, so then we said we would do it again when she turned two. Well... she turned two, but Disney raised their prices to  ridiculously out of our budget for family entertainment. However, it turns out that Knotts is quite reasonable. Yeah, it is not Disneyland, but it is a lot more preschooler-friendly than Magic Mountain. Plus, talk about cheap! We got a deal today for $66 for all of 2013, and we got to go today for free and can buy additional 2012 visits for only $10, and we get 10% off everywhere in the park and in the Knott's Marketplace. 

I cannot even believe that we are so close to the end of the year already. I started talking New Years plans this week. Time is flying. I was looking at my blogs from 2010 and 2011 and just tripping on how different my kids are from even just a year ago. Which reminds me... in blogging a lot less lately, I do much less chatting about the little things. How cute my kids are and such. They really are adorable. 

Tiana is just a little pistol. She was all about the rides. She didn't even really know what was in store for her when we pulled up, but she started cheering, "Yea! Rides," before she even left her car seat. And she just dominated Camp Snoopy. It is so cute how she looks at Vinny before every ride and says, "Ready? Are you ready, Inny?"  (Yeah, she calls him Inny.  It's actually kind of cute). She was all smiles on all the rides.

      We wore her out so thoroughly, she took like a four and half hour nap today and then was wired when she woke up. 

Look at her with her little hands in the air. 

She looks at Vinny as her constant playmate, and he is pretty obliging. Realistically, he kind of thinks of her the same way. If I'd had my druthers, I would have spaced my kids out farther, honestly, because I just wasn't ready to be pregnant again when I got pregnant with Tiana, but now I sure am glad that she is already old enough to play with him. The other day at dinner, Vinny spontaneously said, "I love you, Tiana," and she surprisingly didn't miss a beat, returning quickly with, "I love you, Inny." I hope they always love each other this much. 

 

 It has been a glorious fall break for me this week, catching up on time with my kids, getting through some grading and paperwork, and focusing on my work for grad school. I wish I could say I am completely caught up and ready to hit the ground running next week, but that is far from true. I have two midterms due next week. One I am halfway done with, but the other I haven't started. Plus, grades are due Tuesday, and I still have a full class set of essays to read. Parent conferences are on Wednesday and Thursday, so that leaves very little time for me to get much of anything done.

Sigh... back to the grindstone for me.

September's Second Half - A Rich Summary

A very special picture to me... my "kids" being kids after spending time contemplatively reflecting on AIDS at the AIDS interfaith chapel (inside Grace Chapel, seen in the background)

I've got to stop doing this whole "catch up" thing with blogging. Since blogging normally keeps me sane even when I'm stressed, the lack of blogging lately really speaks to the insanity of everything in my life lately. Or perhaps it speaks to the fact that I am actually managing it all relatively well lately, so that I don't feel the necessity to blog my woes. Haha.  It has been busy, but not too stressful really.

Let' see... what has the blog world missed.

Two weeks ago, Vinny and Marc were in the parade with our church. They had a really adorable little "Peace" themed float, which is so appropriate for our church. My sister and I took the girls and went to watch. Later that evening, we met up with our extended family at an Embassy Suites for a family reunion. With their managers reception in the evening, there is no better place for a family reunion. It was great to see everyone. This is something that has been happening annually for a few years, but Marc and I just joined for the first time last year. Little by little, I am starting to get to know my dad's uncles and cousins, whom I didn't really grow up knowing, so getting to know them now is kind of special. Some of his cousins are even teachers, so it has been fun to chat with all of them.

Last weekend, I took my drama students to San Francisco. This was an interesting trip in that the primary purpose was to study a culture so close, yet so far from our own. These students are so used to their conservative, homogenous, Mexican immigrant community, sometimes they don't realize what is just a few hours away. 

UCSC

      Since a college prep teacher is always looking for opportunities to plant college seeds, we also visited UC Santa Cruz and SFSU. A lot of the kids just fell in love with UC Santa Cruz. It felt sort of like a giant academic summer camp to me. Strange. With wooden bridges stretching through forests connecting parts of the campus, redwood trees everywhere, and deer eating outside lecture halls, it was hard to believe that it was a major UC school, not a quaint forest retreat center. But it really does seem like a good school and our students would be in good hands with a good future ahead of them.

Art abounds at the SF LGBT Center

     Anyhow, the musical we are doing this year takes place in San Francisco and is about the AIDS Names  Memorial Quilt, so this was the focus of our trip. On the way up on the bus, I showed them Common Threads, a documentary about the quilt, and Rent. We visited the LGBT center, and the AIDS Memorial Grove, and the AIDS chapel to see a quilt block.

AIDS Grove

I think my favorite part was the grove. It was just amazing. One of the most beautiful places I have been in this world. We went early in the morning, when the dew was still fresh on the grass. The care put into this place is so obvious. It is meticulously landscaped and cared for by volunteers. The creators of this grove have managed to capture the true beauty of the natural works that God has created, which I think is so appropriate for remembering the victims of AIDS.  AIDS has such a nasty history, particularly in the stigma towards victims. At the beginning, the ignorance meant untouchability, like leprosy. The victims were so ignored for so long, so hated. The idea of condemnation is almost worse than the disease itself. If I were a family member of a victim, this place would mean the world to me. Its beauty and tranquility would bring peace to my soul.

I can see why people put money and time into creating and maintaining this place. Being able to have a place of beauty, tranquility -- somewhere that is so pleasant to be at -- brings healing. I think it truly had to be a grove, a place teeming with life. In the midst of all these living plants, the running water, you can feel the life. Because AIDS meant death, in so many ways, including an inability to produce healthy children, the amount of life here is exactly what an AIDS memorial needed to be.

The Outdoor Labyrinth - Similar to the indoor one, only larger

There was also a really special moment when we were visiting the Grace Chapel (where the AIDS quilt is), a moment that will stay in my heart for a long time. The Grace Chapel has two prayer labyrinths, one inside and one outside. Next to the one inside, it gives instructions on praying the labyrinth (not that there is really any wrong way to do it, but it gave suggestions) and suggested that it is best experienced without shoes. I have prayed the labyrinth before, and it has always been very meaningful to me. When I saw it, I wanted to do it, but there were some little kids playing on it, so that detracted and I decided against it. After touring the rest of this beautiful church, I came back again to the front and found a handful of my students, barefoot, walking the labyrinth at different paces, in different ways. I jumped in. Shoes off, away I went. There was something so peaceful about that moment. I don't know the faith of my students' hearts, and being a public school teacher means I keep my personal spiritual journey to myself most of the time, but for a few minutes that Saturday afternoon, we shared an authentic moment. In the few spots where I passed students on their path through the labyrinth, there was nothing awkward, just a mutual respect for the value of a quiet moment with God.

I want to build a labyrinth in my yard. Would that be weird?


Overall, the trip to San Francisco was a success. Students bonded with people they may not have otherwise bonded with. They made memories to last a life time. They got a taste of... something different. (Literally and figuratively. I took them to an all organic restaurant. Some loved it. Some hated it... but at least they tried it).

Returning from this trip was hard. I don't know why it took SO much out of me, but it did. I found myself unwillingly falling asleep before 10:00 every night last week. I was just... DRAINED.

Tranquility - National AIDS Memorial Grove

Now, finally (heaves huge sigh of relief), it is fall break. Although a small portion of me mourns the passing of an entire year since experiencing the serenity of Maui, I am mostly glad to have a quiet week to do nothing but catch up on everything from time with my children, to house work, to grades. I spent about 12 hours yesterday grading. I know that sounds like an odd way to start a week off of work, but it was so necessary and felt SO good to do in a peaceful, non-rushed state. Today, I cleaned my garage. Sometime the mundane can be so... poetic in a Wordsworthian way of just understanding "the spontaneous overflow of powerful emotions recollected in tranquility." 

    I mean, the icing on the cake is truly this... approximately 6 months ago, a dear friend gave me some boxes containing the entire collection of her son's childhood reading. What a glorious gift. Boys are typically reluctant readers, and she seems to have spent considerable time making sure her son (and now mine) had a high interest book flood. 

Thanks Barb & Mark!

     I've been longing for time to clear a space for them and organize them. They've been laying open in the garage, with Tiana scooping up board books here and there, Vinny musing over chapter books he may someday want to read. In August, he and I even fished out a Beverly Cleary book and read it together, but for the most part... they've been waiting for me to have time for them. After clearing a space today and buying a shelf, they are finally ready and waiting. Many have already moved into the house, but for now, this delightful collection awaits a day when Vinny is ready to pass on his picture books and move on to bigger and better things.  

Swimming my way out..

The fact that I haven't blogged in almost three weeks is a testimony to how truly crazy it has been around here.

Let me try to do a quick drive by of it all.

Marc went to Iowa for graduate school for a week. He had gone out of town for fun with a friend the week before, and doing this much parenting on my own in the first couple weeks of elementary school for V and grad school for me... it was just plain too much. SO much fell through the cracks. I somehow miraculously managed to pack my son a nutritious lunch every day; I somehow managed to get all of my own homework done... but not both of us. I accidentally left for school without my own lunch (or brought it and then completely forgot to stop to take time to eat it) on at least one occasion. Vinny accidentally went to school without his homework on Friday. I missed back to school night (which he still doesn't know... he thinks I went, and I feel terrible. He keeps telling me about stuff and saying, "Didn't you see that when you went to back to school night?" but it was my 2nd night of class at CSUN and I felt like I just couldn't afford to miss it).  In a nutshell... things fell apart.

Marc came back, and I went away. "Tag... you're it," is a pretty accurate description of our parenting style lately. We do a triangle game of tag between my mom, Marc, and I, but we get the job done, and my kids seem relatively healthy and happy, so I guess it is okay.

Honestly, me going away was probably the healthiest thing I could do. I was really on the verge of completely falling apart. I spent a couple of days in Palm Springs with friends who can really let me be me and it all be okay, and it really was wonderful.

We somehow survived another whirlwind week. Marc and I even managed to sit down to dinner together with our children on several occasions that week.

We threw together a pretty awesome party for T on Saturday, which really is much thanks to the awesome people at The Jump Around where we had her party. They pretty much did everything. I rushed to shop for presents on Friday night, but then we spent Saturday just getting food ready and watching her play with her presents. By the time we got to the party that night, I felt like my "work" as party host was over. I really got to have fun playing with my kid and talking to my family and friends. I may forever be spoiled on paying places to host my parties, because that was wonderful.

Life is as busy as ever, but we are adjusting.

Marc being in graduate school is not as bad as I thought it was going to be, mostly because he is too occupied to interrupt me, which sounds terrible, but really I mean it as a positive. Although Marc's job has always involved some work from home, his job has never been quite as demanding as mine. When I am NOT in the middle of grad school classes, spending quality time with my family in the evenings is not completely unattainable. I can make time to play with my kids, watch television and chat with my husband, and sometimes even do some things to take care of myself, like go to the gym and stuff like that.
BUT...
While graduate school classes are in session, it is nearly impossible for me to do this type of stuff. I make time where I can, but there just plain is not a lot of it. I try to reserve the vast majority of my weekends for my family. I savor my weekends, truly. I mean -- this Sunday I even took a nap. How rare is that, right? Anyhow, last year, I know it was hard for Marc to understand that I cannot really focus on my homework and watch a tv show and carry on a conversation. I am the queen of multitasking, so he assumes I can handle it all (because I CAN grade papers, watch a tv show, and have an occasional conversation), but graduate school is possibly the first time in my life I have found completing college coursework honestly challenging, and I don't mean just in the amount of work. I actually cannot multitask this stuff very well.  This always makes me feel really bad when he is trying to have a conversation with me, and I am passively participating or just plain getting irritated.

So... beauty of Marc being in graduate school too is that our evenings have taken on a much different atmosphere. It is not unusual for us to sit silently for hours working side by side. Neither of us feels guilty for abandoning the other.

So life lately pretty much looks like this: We both work our butts off and are pretty much working every second that we are awake Monday through Friday, but we try to let it go (somewhat) and just be parents on the weekends. It is not ideal, but it is working, which is something.

At the beginning of this week, I was feeling just crazy overwhelmed. T's birthday left me with new toys all over the house and old toys to get rid of etc etc, and I didn't get any of my backlog done at all. I stayed at school way late just trying to sort through the massive piles of papers. I just gathered together the entire sea of trees and dumped it on one chair and started sorting into piles: to file, to do, to grade, to pass back, reuse, recycle. I took the "to do" pile home and attempted to cancel my gym date for the evening.

Me: Too stressed for gym.
Barb:  Perhaps you need to the gym Jacuzzi?
Me: Eh.....
Me: Short jog, long soak. See you there.

It actually turned out to be a very worthwhile trip. I know, logically, that exercise, relaxation, and my social circle, do actually help me to keep my head above water, but it is hard to make that add up in my head sometimes.  However... I think well while I run, and even better while I soak, so I came home with a much clearer perspective on the situation.

I reached out for help with the piles. A couple of students are coming tomorrow. I see the light at the end of the tunnel. Yea!!!  Plus, my pile sorting efforts were actually relatively effective. My desk at work is actually clear.  My lesson plans for Wednesday and Thursday are completely ready. I came up with a decent plan to get my grad school homework managed this week, and I am more than halfway through it. I may actually get to go and enjoy the food truck festival with my kids and my friends tomorrow night, without worrying terribly about everything I have to do.

Things are going to be okay. It really is all about priorities, and sometimes... friends, family, and mental health really do make all the other stuff work out better too.

Grad School Parents

    So, my delightful children now officially have TWO parents in graduate school.  Joy.

    This is the one thing I wanted to avoid and never thought was going to happen. A year ago, I decided to go back for my Masters for many reasons, but honestly mostly to put off full repayment mode on my student loans.  My parents kind of hated the idea -- if you know me well, you might even remember that they planned an intervention to try to talk me out of it, which ended in me convincing them that I really needed to do this financially, and them convincing me to promise I would not let myself get signed up for any new responsibilities at all while I am in graduate school.

     During our post BA years, Marc and I had both talked about going back to school eventually, but I kind of knew that mine would be sooner rather than later. A masters degree translates much more directly to more money in the teaching world than it does in average ministry position. When I decided to go back, Marc made comments about going back "someday," but I made it quite clear that it would need to be after I finished, as we can't afford two sets of grad school loans, nor could we handle both of us bogged down by grad school homework.

      But things changed as life has a tendency to do. Marc got a new job at the Lutheran church where he grew up. We are really thrilled to be at this church. Their doctrine really lines up quite perfectly with where our hearts lie on many important issues, and we are very happy here overall. The only drawback is that Marc has always been considered a pastor in other churches we've been at, but in the Lutheran denomination, ministers are only considered pastors if they are ordained. Their ordination process is long and tedious. It requires   a Masters degree from a Lutheran seminary, an internship, etc.

      Now, you might be thinking, "What's in a name? Pastor.... Minister.... That which we call a rose by any other name would smell as sweet."  Well, not exactly.  Not having the title of pastor limits what Marc can do in the Lutheran church, pretty significantly, so his potential for growth is very limited. More directly impacting us would be the fact that without the title of pastor, they will not report him as "clergy" to the government. This affects us financially pretty profoundly. Most pastors (except a few high profile exceptions) do not make much money, so they receive some tax breaks. It basically goes back to the days when most clergy lived in parsonages on church property. Since church property is tax exempt, this creates an unfair advantage for churches with parsonages. To even the score, pastors' housing costs are tax exempt regardless of where they live.  We have always benefitted from this tax exemption. It has allowed us to stay in a lower tax bracket and survive fairly comfortably.

      Well, no "clergy" title... no tax exemption. We will be in a much higher tax bracket by the time we file next April. This has the potential to really, really break us.

     We thought a lot about what to do, and Marc decided that it was best to just start the ordination process, especially since it is five years long. (Yes, you read that correctly... FIVE years).

      So, he filed the paper work, went through interviews, applied to graduate schools, etc. Somehow, he ended up at a seminary in Iowa. It is a long story, but it is basically a distance learning-hybrid program. He does have to travel to Iowa several times a year, but the majority of his classes will be distance learning.  His reading list is out of control. He has about five times the reading I have this semester.  (Not at all exaggerating).  This is going to make for a very interesting year. Graduate school has not been a walk in the park for me, and I am, and always have been, a very good student, but working full time, parenting, and keeping up with all the homework has been a huge challenge. The only reason I have gotten through is that I have been able to just tell Marc when I am overwhelmed that he needs to just completely take care of the kids at night and let me just work.  That is not going work any more.

      We have been down this "let's be students together" road before. We got married in college, so this is an old familiar dance. We know each other as students quite well. The difference between Marc studying and me studying is that I can have the television on, be chatting a friend on facebook, and still finish writing a research paper. Marc can barely focus if the water is running.

      I distinctly remember an incident when we were in college where we finished dinner, and I decided to   do the dishes before starting on my homework, so Marc could get started on a paper that was due the next day (yes, you read that correctly - that's just how he works). After a couple of minutes, he says, "Can you stop that?  I can't think."

      "Stop what? Doing the dishes?" I asked.

      "Yeah, it's too loud. I need to focus."

      Marc swears it will be different now, but even if he now does have the ability to focus with noise, he will still need time to do his work. Judging from the size of his reading list... a LOT of time. So, that means I will no longer be able to rely on him taking care of the kids while I get my work done. I really don't know what we are going to do.  I sense the kids are going to start going to bed much earlier, and we are going to start staying up much later. Our coffee budget is about to double.

      On the plus side, it is only one year. I will be finished in May, and after that it really will not matter than much.  But it is going to be an interesting year.  I started my fall classes last week and I already have quite a bit of homework due this Thursday. One would think I could use the long weekend to focus on getting it done, but my five week grades are due Tuesday, so I need to finish grading all my students' papers before I focus on my own. I couldn't rely on Marc this week to help if I wanted to; he is in Iowa.

      Marc has been gone a lot in general lately. He was at summer camp this summer, and at the national Lutheran youth gathering, and he went to Vegas with a friend, and now he is gone again. I am getting really used to being alone. Fortunately, I have some really great friends.   Friends who will do a "girls night in" at my house instead of a girls night out to celebrate the three day weekend. After putting the kids to bed last night, we caught up on my patio, enjoying the perfect weather, and it was just as good as any restaurant or lounge could have been.

     As much as I worry about how we will manage this next year, I am proud of Marc for rising to this challenge and facing it with so much confidence. It is going to be an interesting five years in general. The process involves things like a "cross cultural ministry" internship, and a term as a chaplain in a hospital, as well as his many classes. It is going to be a season of new experiences and challenges, including financial challenges, but at the end of five years, he will be ordained in a church that is a perfect fit for him, and for our family.

Moved

I'm only 28 years old. Ten o'clock at night should not feel late, but it might as well be 2am, my eyelids are so heavy. My days have been long lately. It was "back to school night" last night, which made for a twelve hour day at work. By the time I opened my laptop to begin reading narrative essays, I was already drained, but I forced myself to get through at least fifteen stories before hitting the sheets.

I picked up the reading again after dinner tonight. The reality of my job hits me hard sometimes. I am reading about a kid who could not afford to replace the sole uniform shirt he owned, which a bully ripped in the process of beating him up. I am reading about a family who eats only rice and beans for dinner night after night. I am reading about a boy who lost his dad, a girl who lost her sister. And I'm only on like the 30th story of 120.

 And then I get a request from a student asking for a recommendation letter for her deferred action application. Few could be more deserving than this sweet, hardworking honors student. But few teachers could be more tired than this incredibly exhausted woman. When I first looked at her email, I didn't initially respond.

But integrity hits me.

I am brought back to New Orleans, back in February of this year, when I attended a conference where I heard an amazing speaker, Rev. Alexia Salvatierra, speak about compassion. She spoke about the verse where it says, "At the sight of the crowds, Jesus’ heart was moved with compassion because the people were harassed and helpless, like sheep without a shepherd." Mark 6:34

Compassion. Jesus saw the people. He saw their helplessness. And his heart was moved. And you know what he did?  He fed them. He performed a miracle, feeding the crowds from two loaves of bread and five fish.

I am no miracle worker. But I see the people. I see their helplessness. When Rev. Alexia Salvatierra shared stories of injustice, she convicted me greatly with facts about how few people actually speak out against injustice. All year long, her words have consistently resounded in my ears. 

I see it alright. I see the injustice. I see the the harassment and the helplessness of those marginalized by our society. But do I do anything about it?  Do I really do anything? Am I truly moved with compassion?

I can't speak for my past, but I can speak for my present. I'm tired. My throat is parched with the ever-thirsty feeling that comes from talking all day and not resting enough at night. I feel the lack of sleep and the pressure of my to do list in the tension at the base of my neck.

But there's a letter I must write before I go to sleep.

Week Two of Year Five

Yup.. Year Five. This is my fifth year teaching.

Last week was my first full week of students, plus, I was hosting two very young Chinese exchange students -- nine-year-old little boys, who called themselves "Charles" and "Andy." They were very funny. They were typical American little boys. They like sweets and playing outside. They procrastinated on their homework. They tried to stay up late, playing with toys in the dark after I told them to go to bed. I took them shopping at the dollar store and they bought secret agent kits with little orange pop guns. They were very confused about why they couldn't bring them to school the next day, but in a gang area, even bright orange plastic guns are no joke.

Vinny did not get along very well with these boys. It was nothing they did. They were just typical boys, and well... Vinny isn't really a typical boy. It was his constant irritation at their "misuse" of his toys (they weren't doing anything wrong, he just thought they were), and his misunderstanding of how boys play. They would be wrestling with each other, and Vinny would come running down the hall yelling that they were fighting. I'd run in and find that they were laughing and just wrestling around on the floor like little boys do.  Sigh. What am I going to do with my sensitive little boy.

It was a rough week. For various reasons I have had a lot of meetings during my prep time and after school, and it has been really hard for me to get fully caught up on my planning and grading. I feel like I am racing and racing to get ahead, but there has been no time at all. Every day I have in my head, "Okay, I'm going to work really hard and get ahead today," and then stuff comes up and I never get there. I'm working SO hard lately, but just not catching up. I like to be planned several weeks ahead, and right now... I'm like a couple of days ahead at a time, which is really rough. I mean.. I don't even have TUESDAY exactly planned yet. Yikes.

This weekend, we took the kids to the fair on the train. It was adorable. Tiana thought the train was super exciting. Both the kids were really well behaved all day, which was such a blessing. Tiana even went on a few rides. She really loves "horseys" right now, so she had fun on the carousel, and there was a little kid version of the swings, which she loved too.  It is kind of funny to me that I have TWO kids big enough to go on rides right now. Standing on the sidelines with Marc, just watching, felt really funny. Most of all, Tiana loved the piggies.  It was funny. She kept saying, "Awwwwwww.... how cute."

I am going to try really hard to get ahead this week. It is going to be a bit crazy because it is tech week for Vinny. He is in a production of the Sound of Music this week. Marc is volunteering, but I am not, so while I will not be "free" and available to do things this week, I should be able to get some work done. Hopefully. I NEED to get ahead for my sanity.

Snapshots of Week One

I survived the first week back. In fact, I more than survived. As I strolled to my car today, I barely noticed the weight of my purple tie-dyed tote bag. Although it is filled to capacity with papers to grade, the week has been such a joy, I almost don't care that I have hours of grading and entering ahead of me.

I was dreading having a 9th grade advisory class this year, as I typically do not particularly like freshmen, but for a mere 45 minutes a day, particularly at 7:45 a.m., I am almost enjoying their meek, yet eager, obedience. Each morning, they file in quickly and sit down quietly, and as the bell rings, they stare at me like young deer in the headlights of an oncoming car.  It is such a drastic change from the seniors I had last year, who would saunter in 10 minutes late, talk loudly over the announcements while I shushed them repeatedly, slowly finish their breakfasts, and eventually, begrudgingly, take out materials to begin working. 

Drama switched to fifth period, and the music teacher and I are co-teaching it, which I am unbelievably excited about. I can hardly believe what we have built. Today, while Jasmin lead vocal warm ups from the stage, I stood at the edge of our two rows of students. They filled the "pit" area of the auditorium, standing shoulder to shoulder, wall to wall. There are nearly 70 students in our musical theatre ensemble. When I think back to Fall of 2009, when I sat in my small upstairs classroom with 25 students, mostly juniors who had enjoyed my English class the prior year enough to come back for an elective, auditioning students who had never acted before, it seems unreal that we have come so far. I mean, during our musical theatre mind mapping activity on Thursday, I had students who were listing Broadway shows they'd seen, and the names owswsSf method acting greats like Stanislavski and Strasberg. Could it be that I have actually developed a true academic theatre program?  I think so.

And then, there is sixth period. This past week, my colleagues and I were talking about how tough sixth period is. By sixth period, teachers are exhausted. The kids are antsy. The patience and sunshine I usually start the day with fade significantly by sixth period. The past two years, my sixth period has been drama, which kept it fresh, but requires a ton of energy. I managed to survive on passion and caffeine. When I thought of what it would be like to teach another English 10 class after drama, I could not imagine how I would possibly have enough energy.

As it turns out, I must have done something nice to the counselor or something, because my sixth period is pretty awesome. I have bright, refreshing students in that class. As it works out, most of my sophomore drama students are in the class. We (the drama students and I) come out of 5th period full of energy and excitement, and it seems to carry over into sixth. I am able to sort of "play" with this class, and it works out well. I actually really like them. They may turn out to be one of my favorite classes. 

Boys and Girls

Interesting happenings today.

My son is an interesting kid. He is passionate about singing and dancing and performing. Today, I convinced him that he should just go ahead and audition for Seussical next week. He has been hesitant about wanting to do it because he is nervous about the audition. I think he will be okay once he gets there if he is doing something he knows really, really, really well, so I made the decision for him - he needs to sing "Do Re Mi" from Sound of Music, because that is the show he is currently working on, and that is the song he knows best. Besides, he is only auditioning for a Who, so he just needs to show them what a cute little singer and dancer he is.

So, how did I convince him?  This morning he watched an episode of Veggie Tales about a kid who doesn't want to use his gift. Eventually, the kid uses his gift and all kinds of good comes of it. I reminded Vinny about this show and told him, "You have a gift. You are a gifted singer and dancer. You need to use your gift."  Tonight, when discussing it with Marc, he added, "and director! I'm going to be a gifted director when I grow up."  He very well might be. He is such a sweet, unique kid... even if he is kind of making me crazy lately.

He is a very emotional kid. He is sensitive and he cries a lot. Particularly lately. Sigh. I am not this type of person.

Our family is not big on traditional gender roles. It is not like I am a super feminist or anything, we are just... different. Out of the two of us, Marc is the sensitive one. I think it is usually the other way around, but not in our relationship. Marc is also probably the more nurturing one. I don't wake up if the kids awake in the middle of the night. It is not that I wouldn't; it is just that I sleep really hard. When I was pregnant, I told my mom I was afraid of this, and she assured me it would change when I had kids... but it didn't. Thank goodness for Marc. He is really good with kids. There are some ways in which I am traditional. I cook.  But I sure as heck don't clean. I'm not good at it, and I don't like it. This summer, we would not have had clean laundry half the time if it wasn't for Marc.

Anyhow... back to traditional gender roles. Tiana is a pretty traditional little girl. Vinny was not really a traditional little boy. Sure, he liked cars, but never as much as most boys. He loved Disney princess movies and collected Disney characters. In fact, his Disney action figures are still probably his favorite collection. Vinny is not really into Transformers or other things that his friends are into. He is a bit of an odd duck. Tiana is pretty typical. She is not even two, but she is obsessed with babies and doll stuff. Today, I bought her a doll stroller with a doll. I bought it for the stroller, but I didn't realize it came with such a cool doll. Dolls sure have come a long way. This one cries, drinks, sleeps. She makes sucking noises and blinks when she eats. If you feed her enough milk, then she falls asleep and snores.  Its kind of a trip.

Vinny was crazy jealous. He spent the evening crying and emotional that he didn't have such a cool doll. At dinner, my sister made some comment about the fact that dolls are girls toys. My mom and I were quick to come back with a "So what?"  My mom pointed out that boys today grow up to be very involved dads, and there is nothing wrong with him wanting to play with dolls. He now wants one for his birthday, and my mom said she would try to get him one. I think my dad was a little concerned, but I reminded him that he did his share of tights wearing in high school and college, and I think he moved on.

But I know it bothers people. So what if he loves toys that are traditionally female?  He is an amazing person, and there is nothing wrong with his preferences. Perhaps there is just something wrong with a world that is so judgmental.

Back to Work

So, today I went back to work. For those of you new to reading my blog or new to my life, let me explain why I am back at work in July. My school has two semesters, which are close to traditional semesters:  August-December and February-June.  I get two breaks each year: summer and winter. So... while most teachers are still enjoying their long summer breaks, I am back at work, which is somewhat hard; however, while most teachers are returning to work just days after New Years each year, I am just settling in to my winter break at that time. I love my January off, so I try to remind myself of that when I am walking into school during the last week of July.

Today was meetings meetings meetings. I didn't even touch my classroom. A lot of progress was made on important topics, and I feel that my school is really geared up for this upcoming school year, so this is all good, but I feel so unprepared for next week. I don't have students until Wednesday, but I can already tell that the staff development schedule for the next two days is just very full, and there is just not going to be much time. I have so much to get ready to conduct my Masters research this semester, to teach my English classes, and to co-direct a musical. Yikes. Thank God I don't have classes for graduate school for several more weeks.

I just am having difficulty shifting into school gear. I was mostly "on" while I was on campus today, but I know I will only be really ready if I get some work done at home over the next few days, but I just don't feel like it. I feel like sitting in my backyard reading a book. I feel like going out to dinner with friends (okay, I'm gonna do that anyway). I even feel like continuing my "spring cleaning," but I just don't feel like lesson planning. Yikes.

Vinny has been difficult lately. He's just lacking structure. I am hoping that my return to work helps. It will probably help that he is going to vacation bible school all day next week. This will provide structure for his day, and he really like structured activities. As much as I know my mom is looking forward to summer days with him, I am thinking about putting him in theatre camp the week after that, just because it is relatively cheap and the structure might be good for him. Well, we'll see how next week goes and then decide.

Disneyland

So, we had a wonderful family trip to Disneyland this week. We really made great decisions that resorted in a great trip overall. We chose to stay at the Howard Johnson on Harbor. This was actually a PERFECT place to stay. It was priced like a hotel, but was very much like a resort. There was a great water play area for the kids, with a hot tub in the kids play area. I am very much a fan of being able to watch my kids while jacuzzing.

We spent the first day just playing at the hotel. We were able to check in early and we ordered lunch from the Mimi's next door. Later than evening, we spent some time at Downtown Disney and had dinner at Rainforest Cafe.  We made it back to the hotel in time to put the kids down to bed and watch the fireworks on our balcony while eating dessert. Perfect, perfect day.

We hit the parks early and made a very long day of it. We initially thought we would try to do the Cars land rides because we got there so early, but that was just madness. We were able to make it to the Tow Mater ride in the evening. Once I realized that it is a spinning ride, I quickly made the decision to just watch, so Marc took the kids on. It was probably Tiana's favorite ride of the whole day. Watching her on it was making me nervous at first (it really whips around!), but when I saw her face, it was just so cute. She was smiling this open mouth smile and giggling and squealing. So, so cute.

It is funny, when we arrived at the park in the morning, Vinny wanted to know how long we would stay, and I told him we would stay until bed time. He loved this idea... until around 4:00, when he asked if we could go back to the hotel and play in the water again. Marc and I jumped at the suggestion. In fact, we even decided to save some money on dinner and order a pizza to eat in the room. The way Tiana has been lately, any time we can avoid a sit down dinner with her, we do.

After dinner, we went back to the park and made an evening of shows. We saw World of Color, during which Tiana crashed. What a cool show. My one criticism was the whole, "This is a standing show" thing. I would rather they squish less people in and let people sit, more like Fantasmic. If I am going to get a fastpass for a show in the morning and get there an hour before, I think I should get to sit down. I mean it is kind of a long show. Little kids are particularly tired by 9:00 after a long day at Disneyland. After the show, we boldly made a mad dash back to Disneyland to attempt to see Fantasmic. Vinny saw it for the first time with Grandma earlier this year, and he wanted to see it again, so we did our best.  We actually ended up with great seats.

Of my favorite new experiences at Disneyland this year was Big Thunder Ranch. Its an all you can eat bbq with entertainment. It was very cute and a good place for small kids. Its a table service restaurant (they serve you food, not buffet style, which is good because buffets kind of gross me out), but it is outside and very relaxed, so they totally didn't care that Tiana just wanted to run around the table.

My favorite improvement was the cell phone charging lockers. Yea!  In this new world of smart phones that do so much for being at the park (being able to take photos and share them, use MouseWait app, do business in line, etc.), it stinks that using them often means a dead phone by the end of the day; however, we were totally happy to give them up for 45 minutes to be able to have full batteries to take photos for the rest of the day. Totally worth $2.

We decided to do Goofy's Kitchen this morning as one last bit of fun before heading back to the real world. This was not a good decision. First of all, it used to be cheaper for breakfast than dinner. That is not longer the case. It is not just as expensive, which is silly, because breakfast is just not as big of a meal. We barely ate anything. $100 for the three of us. Also, Tiana is still a little young for this; she loved the characters, but she did not understand that they were not all there just for her and that she had to stay seated. Plus, the last time we went 3 years ago, they stopped every 20-30 minutes or so and did a "Dance Party" with Goofy in the buffet area. That was Vinny's favorite part back then, and that didn't happen this time, even though we were there for like an hour. I guess it is a dinner thing?  If so, they should definitely charge less for breakfast.

This morning was also just a bad morning. Vinny was completely melting down this morning over stupid things involving packing his suitcase back up, which is ridiculous, because it could not have been a more orderly affair. Very simple things can get very complicated with an OCD kid.  These anxiety attacks are giving ME anxiety. They are turning me into a crazy person. He just grates on my nerves lately. Plus, Tiana was REALLY cranky. She was up all night teething, and when I changed her in the morning, I realized she had a bad diaper rash too (which, by lunch, resulted in me heading to the doctor, which actually resulted in antibiotics. Poor thing).  This is probably partially my fault for lazily deciding to use disposables at Disneyland. I rarely, rarely, rarely use disposables on her. While cloth can be slightly inconvenient, it is usually not too bad. I store dirties in a plastic bag and bring them home. Not that big a deal. I even toted a giant bag of dirty diapers home from Arizona. But, when I thought about dragging dirty diapers home from Disneyland, and about how much room a day's worth of dirty diapers would take up in a backpack or in the stroller, I went ahead and bought some organic disposables. These usually are fine for her, but not this week I guess. It got bad. She's in so much pain and was so cranky today.

Overall, it was a very successful trip. The HoJo was fantastic. I want to plan a trip there every year. They even have a suite with bunk beds for the kids and a separate king size bedroom. I would like to book this on our next trip.   :-)

Joie de Vivre

I have been keeping quite wonderfully busy this summer! I've been staycationing and vacationing.  The past few weeks have just been incredible.  Last Saturday, my friend Tanya and I visited Duff Goldman's (Ace of Cakes) new place, Cake Mix. It is basically the cake version of a pottery studio. You go and pick what you want to decorate (cupcakes, 6" cake, 9" cake) and then they supply all of the icings, gel colors, tools, goodies, etc., as well as professionals to help you.  From what I can tell from reviews online, Duff does his best to be there as often as possible. I imagine it will not be like that forever, but it is his new baby right now, and it seemed that he really loves being there. He WAS there when we were, and he helped Tanya and I learn new techniques and helped me come up with ideas for a design. I rarely (okay, never) make cakes for myself. When it comes to ideas for other people, no problem. I've made tons of neat cakes for my kids and my parents and other family members, but this was different. I was making a cake just because. I could do whatever I wanted. So, what did I do?  I made it quite purple. :-)  Duff taught me how to smooth buttercream, and that was one of the coolest experience of my life, and I am not normally a star-struck type, but he's just so cool. He's the type of person anyone would want to be friends with.


On Monday, Marc took the day off so we could spent time together before we left on separate trips. We took the kids to a place in LA I've been wanting to check out called Giggles & Hugs. It's a children's restaurant and playground. Very cool. The play area is very clean and very safe (no places where little ones can fall from high up or anything), and they have paid attendants to keep an eye out. The food is healthy and mostly natural and/or organic, and it is REAL food. You know when you go to kids places and all you can get is like pizza and burgers and chicken strips? Not the case here. Real restaurant menu. For example, as an appetizer, Marc got stuffed mushrooms and I got bruschetta. Yeah. Very cool.  Can't wait to go back.

Tuesday, Marc left for a youth gathering in New Orleans, while I took off with the kids for a week with family in Arizona. We spent some time with my sister in law before heading off to visit my cousin Tracy and her kids. With my sister in law, we went to see some of her close friends who have kids around Vinny's age, and Vinny had a wonderful time hanging out and swimming with them. Much more swimming ensued at Tracy's house, as well as many other fun excursions. We took the big kids to see Alice in Wonderland at a local community dinner theatre. The food was mediocre, but the show was fantastic. Totally professional quality. I think people seriously underestimate what community theatre brings to the table. Most community theatres nowadays put on really solid shows.

We also went to a jump place with a bunch of giant inflatables and to a little aquarium (which was overpriced for what it was, but the kids had a really good time) and to Rainforest Cafe. For Vinny, the highlight of the trip was definitely Alice in Wonderland, but for Tiana, it was definitely Rainforest Cafe. She was amazed pretty much every second that we were there. I don't know if I have ever seen her quite so excited.

On Saturday, I helped my cousins host a big pool party. We planned all week for it, and it was quite the success! We made alcohol infused cupcakes (that I have to say I was quite proud of), along with huge batches of beer margs and jungle juice, and a great buffet of Mexican food. The party was less than an hour away when Tracy ran outside saying, "Haboob!"  A haboob is basically a giant dust storm. Think mini-hurricane, minus the rain, plus a bunch of dust.  All week, Tracy had been saying she was just worried about the weather. I laughed it off. July in Phoenix is just miserably hot. A party at night with a pool was sure to go off without a hitch, but it is monsoon season there. Fortunately, we got all the outside furniture and stuff inside before the haboob came, and it came and went quickly and managed not to really cause any damage. The pool wasn't even that dirty. The cool thing about the haboob was that you could totally see it coming. It was a brown cloud on the horizon that just got bigger and bigger as it got closer and closer. Way cool to watch. Quite the experience. Plus, it ended with a beautiful rainbow.

It was an awesome party. I have a lot of family in Arizona, and most of them came to the party, and I have gotten to know my cousins' friends and their other family members pretty well over the years, so it was really awesome getting to hang out with everyone all night. Even though it rained a bit, it was more of a refreshing drizzle (water falling from the sky can really only be refreshing when it is 100 degrees) than anything else, and we went swimming anyway. I didn't climb out of the pool until about 2am. What a night!

The ride home was long. It took us about an hour and a half longer than the trip there, but it felt like more. We visited the world's worst Jack in the Box (seriously, we were in line at the drive thru for about 20 minutes, and there were stray pieces of hamburger meat in my chicken fajita pita), and Vinny waited until we got back on the freeway to tell me he had to go to the bathroom. The second time, he waited until after I had stopped for gas and gotten back on the freeway to tell me that he had to go to the bathroom again. Add a stop for coffee when I felt like I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer, and that makes for FIVE stops. Changing a cloth diaper in a gas station restroom without a changing table is no easy feat.  With all of this, the trip actually only took us about 7 hours, but it felt like much longer. Vinny whined that he wanted to be home all ready from Fontana until he finally fell asleep in Pasadena, around which time, Tiana threw her pacifier and her blanky and cried "Daddy! Daddy! Daddy!" until she finally fell asleep... one mile from our house. Yikes.

But you know what? There were some moments of beauty on the trip. Tiana was in a happy giggly mood most of the time, and Vinny enjoyed having my undivided attention to talk for 6 hours.  There was no traffic at all, and the desert at sunset is a beautiful place. While we were driving, we listened to this CD of songs from old, old Disney shows and movies. Many of them Vinny and I had never even heard before. There is this one song from a movie I haven't even heard of (In Search of Castaways), that I think is my new theme song to life. It is called "Enjoy it."

I leave you with a piece of it.

If there’s a complication, enjoy it! 

You’ve got imagination, employ it! 

This world’s a cornucopia,

Why it could be, Utopia? 

Voila, that’s right, enjoy it! 

Why cry about bad weather? Enjoy it!

 Each moment is a treasure, enjoy it! 

We are travelers on life’s highway, enjoy the trip 

Each lovely twist and byway, each bump and dip 

If there’s a complication, enjoy it! 

You’ve got imagination, employ it! 

And you’ll see roses in the snow, 

Joie de vivre will make them grow,

Voila, that’s life, enjoy it!

Enjoying Summer

I love living in California. I am very much having the stay-cation month.

So, Monday, I took the Chinese girls and their student partners to Paradise Cove. I hadn't been there in a long, long time, and I had forgotten how nice it was. I didn't have the greatest meal experience the last time I was there, so I was sort of soured on it, but everything was wonderful on Monday, and I left thinking, "I need to come here more often."  I was supposed to go with some of my girlfriends on Saturday, but that didn't pan out, and I was bummed, so today, when Marc got off early, and it was 100 degrees and muggy at home (humid heat sucks - I'll take an Arizona 100 any day, but this Florida style weather...yuck), I said, "Let's have dinner at Paradise Cove."  Yea!  We packed up quickly and set out.

It was like the perfect day. It was like 75 degrees in Malibu. One could almost call it chilly. By nightfall, it would have been. We got the most perfect parking spot, right next to the sand.  It was so late in the day that it wasn't crowded at all. Vinny was so happy to be there. He is such a fish, just like his daddy. Once Vinny got in the water, we almost couldn't drag him out. At one point, he is swimming in it, up to his chest, and I'm hanging out in ankle deep water and he says, "Mommy, why don't you come all the way in with me like you did in Maui? This beach is like Maui!"  I looked at him and said, "Maui was different sweetie, Maui was warm."  Pacific Ocean water is just not warm. Not even on hot days. I think this shocks people who travel here, but I grew up with it, so I was more shocked to learn that there are places where you don't have to freeze to swim.  Anyhow, so Vinny looks up at me, and says, "This water IS warm!" Just goes to show how long he had been in there. (Or how hot it has been at home lately).  When it was time to leave, I had to call him like six times before he finally gave in and came back to us.  (continued below)

Right before the seagull incident. Note said chicken strip. 

Tiana was a bit cranky once we got there, but she got in such a better mood when our food was ready. She had a huge appetite (beach does that to me too). She was on her second chicken strip, when she decided that she didn't want eating to stop her from playing, so she was sitting in the sand and digging with one hand and eating with the other. Then, she stood up all happy and giggling, and these crazy seagulls attacked her for the stupid piece of chicken in her hand. I am not exaggerating... they seriously attacked her. We jumped up and ran to her and of course they ran away, but not before they hurt her hand, the poor thing. She was bleeding in three places, one spot on her palm and two different fingers. One of her fingers was so deep, I couldn't get it to stop bleeding. We actually had to go to the lifeguard for bandaids... and it took two of them! (Bandaids... not lifeguards).

Damn aggressive seagulls. It's because the tourists feed them. Not to be that person (because I welcome tourists, really, I do - I love sharing the beauty of our state)... but I can pick the tourists out from the locals on pretty much any California beach. The tourists are the idiots who leave their open Doritos sitting on their beach blanket. Or much worse - they hand feed the stupid seagulls, then look shocked when they are suddenly mobbed by the entire flock. Paradise cove is a very, very nice beach, which thus attracts a lot of tourists, and we witnessed several of them feeding the seagulls today. Thus, the seagulls at this beach have become these aggressive beasts who have lost their ability to eat naturally and rely on humans for food, and do so in a hunting-style.

Vinny is such a protective brother. He starts chasing them down and yelling at them that he is going to cut their beaks off and other such atrocities. I kind of wanted to laugh. He is so funny.

The lifeguard who repaired T's finger

Anyhow, back to Tiana. So, while the lifeguard is cleaning her bleeding finger and bandaging her up (in a purple bandaid, I might add - the perks of a private beach, I suppose), Tiana is muttering under her breath, "Bad birdie. Bad, bad birdie."  She eventually recovered and went back to eating her french fries (from the safety of Marc's lap this time), but she kept looking at the birds and saying, "Bad birdies." Then, when we were on the way home, I hear, "Bad birdie," and look back and she is just gazing at her finger. I look back at her and she says, "It hurts. Bad birdie." At that point, all I could do is agree, "Yes, bad, bad birdies."  She has continued to lament the "bad birdies" each time she looks at her bandaid, and I imagine it will probably continue until it heals. I guess this was a rather traumatic incident for her.

In spite of the bird incident, it was a beautiful day. We loved eating dinner on this beautiful beach and taking advantage of a late afternoon beach day. I think we are going to try to take advantage of the summer and try to do this (well, probably not Paradise, since it is so expensive) on another Friday in August, like after I get off work. It stays light out so late, there really is no reason one can't hit the beach at 4:30 and stay for several hours. We could always pick up food on the way too.

I love summer so much. Summer is the reason I keep my chin up the rest of the year. Some people, like my grandma, are "Grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" type people who need some sort of change to be happy. My grandma basically stays happy in a situation until it isn't "new" any more, and then she wants a change and gets cranky. She gets like, "If I could only live (insert new location), then I'd be happy."   I sort of understand how she feels because I spend much of the year telling myself, "It will be summer again, and then I will be happy," which effectively actually makes me happy just thinking of it. I am always in one of two mental states: thinking about summer or enjoying summer. I plan my summer plans months way in advance, and I look forward to them every day of the Spring. Now it is summer, and I am living those plans, and loving every second of it.

The sun setting over an old Western movie town on the way home.