The Author

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I am a high school English teacher, and mother of two charming little ones of my own. I teach in a high poverty urban charter school, while I live in a typical American suburb that has frequently been rated one of the safest cities in the country. It is a paradox I struggle with constantly, but it is my life.

Sunday, April 29, 2012

Yes. I'm tired. Don't talk.

I suppose it is the sign of my times that I haven't written since last weekend. I kept my head above water this week... barely.

The approaching May deadlines for my final exams (which aren't "exams," they are papers, but might as well be exams) loom warily in the distance, but I know that objects in my calendar are closer than they may appear. I've been trying to dedicate myself to getting my homework done, but life is, well, life and it demands, well... it demands.

So, anyhow, I decided to take Thursday off work to get a bunch of stuff done. Knowing I could sleep in a  little, I took advantage of the fact that I truly am a night person, and I stayed up late Wednesday finishing the research for my literature review. Feeling satisfied that I had sufficiently exhausted my search for scholarly writing in the field of positive psychology in education and practically everything related (not an easy task), I went to bed ready to have a productive Thursday.

And productive it was!

Thursday felt wonderful. I snuggled with Tiana on the couch for about 15 minutes before getting right to work. By the time my mom arrived at 8:30, I was in the full swing of essay writing, and I pretty much didn't stop until lunch.  I put in a good page worth of writing on the somewhat difficult final paper for my composition class, read and summarized about half of the stack of research i printed for my lit review, caught up on readings for my research class, wrote the reflective assignments for that class, and prepared for a meeting with a fashion professor about partnering with her next year to get a grant for costumes for my musical. I had lunch with my mom, then I went to the meeting with the professor. The situation is looking promising.

As overwhelmed as I was feeling, I am feeling somewhat more in control as of this moment, but I will say that by the time Friday came, I was SO ready for it to be Friday. Then, I got home and realized that the vast majority of my weekend was filled with stuff I didn't want to do.   :/

That sounds really negative I know, and I am trying to be all about the positive lately, but it is how I was feeling last night. It took a few hours of undeserved self-pity, but I'm over it.  Every cloud has a silver lining, and I always find it if I look.

I must say thought, it is hard to find the silver lining in sitting at a track meet for 6 hours, in the heat of the day, for my athletically-challenged child to run for about 3 minutes. I suppose the silver lining in this cloudless day, is that I only had to watch Tiana for about 2 hours before my parents saved the day. Sitting in the stands without her gave me time to read my book, and I rarely ever get time to read for pleasure, so that was actually kind of nice. Vinny was also remarkably well-behaved for a kid who is normally not very patient. Because of timing issues, the meet ran about 4 hours behind, so he had to sit in the stands and just wait for about 5 hours before even his first event came up.

Vinny was good for a laugh in the 400 meter. In this event, runners starts near the end of the stands, then run all the way around the track, so the last 75 meters or so, they are running past the stands full of cheering parents. Vinny's team members are watching and realize (out loud, I might emphasize), "Oh my gosh, Vinny's actually beating someone!"  and they all start cheering. So what does Vinny do?  Look up and run the next 30 yards or so looking up in the stands and waving, a perfect parade wave. It was CLASSIC. My kid is born to be a star. I might add that he did manage to stay in his lane while waving at us for those 30 yards or so. And he also STILL beat one kid from the other team. It is nice not to be last.

For the next race, I advised him to keep his eyes on the finish line, and he sure did. He was still the slowest on his team, but he beat one kid this time too, and it was a different kid from a different team, so that made me feel a little bit better, and I could tell he was proud of himself too (although I don't think he really cares if he is last).

By late this afternoon, spending the entire day outside had really taken its toll on me. I was lying on the couch in a state of fatigue, when I realized that I hadn't really been able to catch my breath for a few hours. Spring and I don't get along. Pollen is my enemy. My asthma was really bothering me. The silver lining here.... the beauty of owning my own nebulizer. Health insurance and good doctors can really be a blessing. Of course, this involves pumping my lungs full of tons of wonderful steroids (no, not being sarcastic), but it is worth it. At one cranky moment, I said to Marc, "It sure would be nice to be able to get just one nice deep breath right about now!" About 30 minutes later, I realized I'd taken several unlabored deep breaths, and it was one of those moments where you just refreshingly remember how nice it feels to just be alive. (Of course, as I write this, I am feeling tight all over again, but it is a cycle. I will take my victories where I can until Spring blows away).

This evening, Marc had a youth group all- nighter planned. I initially really wanted to go on the scavenger hunt part, since these are just really fun, but I ended up being the official score keeper instead, which meant all the kids had to text their photos to me. I added up the points, downloaded the photos, and made a beautiful slideshow for the kids to watch after. It was a fun way to spend my evening at home with Tiana.

Yes, just Tiana. Vinny got to be an honorary teenager for the night. He went on the scavenger hunt and got to be on his favorite babysitter's team. Marc even let him stick around for the trip to the trampoline place. He just got home a few minutes ago, and it is almost midnight. He was like a little zombie though. Very funny. When I asked him if he had fun, he replied, "Yes. I'm tired. Don't talk."  Hahahaha.

I felt like I practically did have a teenager, waiting up past 11 for my son to get home so I could go to bed. But now he is home, and well... I am tired, so I am going to bed.

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