The Author

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I am a high school English teacher, and mother of two charming little ones of my own. I teach in a high poverty urban charter school, while I live in a typical American suburb that has frequently been rated one of the safest cities in the country. It is a paradox I struggle with constantly, but it is my life.

Monday, May 7, 2012

Behind my eye balls

Stress is doing terrible things to me right now. Seriously. I am writing this right now instead of writing the lit review that I should be writing, because writing is cathartic and I need to write.

Yesterday, I was so stressed that I had a difficult time eating dinner. We eat dinner at my parents' house on Sunday nights, and my dad barbecued. I love when he barbecues, but I could barely finish half a burger.

I woke up feeling like my thoughts were swimming in a sea of grey matter in my brain. By the time I got to my classroom this morning, I realized that the physical effects of stress were really taking their toll on me. These effects have gotten progressively worse throughout the day. My neck feels so tight it is painful to move my head quickly. I can actually feel the knots in my shoulders and the back of my neck. I mean like, when I rub the back of my neck, I can actually feel the knots in my muscles. It is the strangest thing. If I rub them, they roll.

I finished one of my finals tonight and experienced some momentary euphoria thinking about how good it felt to be half done with that task. Then, about 30 minutes later, I started to develop a crazy bad headache. It is like a combo sinus-stress headache. One where it feels like the center of the pain is right behind my eye balls. I realized that I hadn't taken my allergy meds in a couple of days, which was really stupid.... I just forgot. Too much in my head. Lately, if it isn't in my phone... if my phone doesn't pop up a reminder to tell me to do it... then it doesn't get done.

Just a few more days.  I can do this. My papers are due Thursday. Grades are due Tuesday. If I can survive the next 9 days, it should be smooth sailing from there.

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