The Author

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I am a high school English teacher, and mother of two charming little ones of my own. I teach in a high poverty urban charter school, while I live in a typical American suburb that has frequently been rated one of the safest cities in the country. It is a paradox I struggle with constantly, but it is my life.

Friday, October 21, 2011

So, I pretty much came home to a nervous breakdown...

Coming home from vacation sucks. Really sucks.  I basically came home and completely lost my mind because my life really does not allow for me to take vacations without totally paying for it (pun intended).

 Sunday, I tried to get done far more than was realistic. I wrote a lesson plan for Monday and tried to get mentally prepared for a week at school, but I also felt I could not be mentally ready unless we unpacked and did some laundry and went to the store to get groceries for the week, which took some planning, since I knew I pretty much would not have time to cook dinner all week and needed to get easy things. The house did not end up getting as in order as I would have liked it, which might explain why I could not find my school keys on Monday morning, despite tearing the house apart for like half an hour.

And then there were all the papers. Grades were due Monday night. I had planned to grade papers on vacation, but with homeschooling Vinny and doing my college homework, I never got to it. I got as many papers as I could done Sunday, but I still was frantically grading papers until minutes before the deadline on Monday. Talk about stressful. I have never been that close to that deadline before. I was literally trembling with anxiety and nearly broke down in tears and just completely lost it at around 8pm.

Tuesday, I tried to catch up with work for this week and my college homework. I feel like I barely made a dent in it, and I was up until like 1a.m. Why then, did I go to class last night looking like a totally irresponsible jackass? Because I lost the book I was supposed to read. I realized I did not have it when I went to bring it on the trip to read. I assumed I would find it at school when I got home. Well, I looked all over my classroom on Monday and Tuesday and couldn't find it. I tried emailing a friend from class, but she lives too far away for me to get it from her in time. What the heck could have happened to it?  I gave up, admitted to my professor that I had lost it and so had not done the reading, which meant I basically could not participate in discussions in class yesterday. Whatever, I was too tired anyway. We had conferences until 6pm on Wednesday and Thursday, and these completely wore me out. By the time I got out of school last night, I was completely spent and just went to bed.

Today, I felt terrible that Vinny had to miss his soccer practice because my inlaws are out of town and they normally take him, and I had drama afterschool and Marc was working a carnival. He didn't go to practice last week either because of our trip, and the week before it was cancelled, so it really sucks that he missed. Oh well, there is only so much we can do.

While the drama kids were painting the sets today, I cleaned out my desk. I genuinely need to become more organized. I am making progress this year, but I need to somehow get it together and stick with it. It is just not in my personality, and it is really hard for me. I did, however, find my book, which I realized I had put in a "safe" spot on my bookshelf. Darn it. I just ordered a new one last night too. I guess I'll just return it.

Sadly, I STILL haven't found my keys.

At least I don't have a lot planned this weekend, so I can hopefully try to pull my life back together.

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