The Author

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I am a high school English teacher, and mother of two charming little ones of my own. I teach in a high poverty urban charter school, while I live in a typical American suburb that has frequently been rated one of the safest cities in the country. It is a paradox I struggle with constantly, but it is my life.

Sunday, August 29, 2010

Need a little sunshine

I have been having a really hard time keeping my spirits up lately. As odd as it is, I really, really want to be in a good mood, but nothing is going how I want it too, even just stupid little things. It seems that everything that I find myself looking forward to just goes to crap.

I wanted to go to the beach during the day yesterday. Despite it being over 100 degrees all week while I was at work, of course yesterday was too cold to enjoy the beach, so we didn't bother. 

Even, I just really wanted to go to the Green Day concert, and Marc found an opportunity to get tickets through KROQ by volunteering to clean a beach. I have never felt so loved by my husband in his effort to make this happen for me. The bad news... they ended up being lawn tickets. If you haven't been to the Verizon Wireless Amphitheater recently (like in the last 2 years), then you wouldn't understand why this is really not an okay situation for me. The lawn is exactly what it sounds like- a big grassy area at the top of the amphitheater. It used to be an okay place to see shows. You could bring a blanket, get there early and stake out a good spot and kick it for most of the evening, very relaxed atmosphere. Now, however, they way oversell it, and don't let you bring even blankets to sit on, because they clearly don't want you sitting; the 6000 people (not exaggerating- I looked it up) they sold tickets to would not fit if everyone sat down. There is no lighting and young kids (like 14-17) use it as the perfect opportunity to pass giant bottles of alcohol and get drunk beyond their wildest dreams, which generally means that they do not make it out of the giant crowd before vomitting everywhere. Anyone who has been there in the last couple of years can corroborate that this is an accurate description of the lawn experience. As much as I want to see this Green Day show, I cannot stand all night and also cannot risk drunken teenagers falling on top of me or crashing into me. We sold the tickets last night. We considered using the cash to put towards buying better tickets, but we are really broke. We could actually really use that $70 to buy groceries,  and don't have even another $50 to invest in better seats, so that is pretty much where this ends.   :-(

I am finally really, really, really sick of being pregnant. I have been having contractions all the time, and I don't care what anyone says about BH contractions just being tightness and not hurting, they hurt. There is no room for squeezing of any kind to not hurt. This would probably explain why I am already 2cm dilated, but I was dilated weeks before Vinny too, and the doctor said it means nothing as far as when she comes. It could still be until the 21st. The only part of me that really wants until the 21st is me knowing that my sub is not in the system at school yet (still waiting on paper work), and I would like more time with the students anyway. There are still a few kids whose names I am having trouble remembering.

On the flip side, some stupid crap happened Friday that really crushed my optimistic "The kids ARE alright" view of teenagers. Please understand that I really cannot elaborate out of the nature of what happened and my position, but it really bummed me out. I am such a firm believer in the goodness of my students, and when stupid things happen that show me how immature they are and how little they consider the consequences of their actions, it just really gets me angry. As much as I want to believe that they care about other people, they have no idea how much I care about them and care so little about anyone but themselves. Now I know this is a total sweeping generalization, which is unfair to make, but I hate that even one of my students really is this way, because it just wakes me up to the fact that they CAN be this way. It makes me not even want to go back to work tomorrow.

Bleh... and now I am going to go spend my entire afternoon at church for training for a ministry that I get an opportunity to actually participate in like once every 3 months. I guess that is part of going to a big church, there is little actual need for me to serve, despite my actual desire. Sometimes I wonder why I bother try.

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