The people who know me well in life know that something is wrong when I haven't blogged in a while. I don't want you all to worry (i.e. Tina, Barb), so I am blogging.
I am having a difficult time right now. Drowning in paper. I get on top of it, and then it buries me again. It is like swimming in the ocean and you just keep trying to get your head above the waves, and every time you do, another wave knocks you down again.
And then there's BTSA....
I am spending hours and hours and hours and hours on it, and I feel like I make so little progress each night. I wish I had the ability to just put some stuff down on paper and call it done, but I can't. Believe it or not, I keep trying, and I just can't. It is not in my nature to half ass anything... even when I want to. It is one of my worst faults. But it is draining my will to live. This paperwork just takes so long, and it seems like I keep turning the page to find more. I feel like I am stuck somewhere in Dante's Inferno, pushing a boulder uphill.
Spirits are just not high at school right now. I am trying to look forward to next year and the positive things ahead, but at the same time, I will really miss this group of kids. I love the class of 2013. They are amazing young people. One of my honors students was recently selected to be part of a summer program where he (along with another girl from our school) will get to spend the summer working with a bunch of students from the Middle East and all over the world. There are only like 10 students from the U.S. who get to be part of this program, so this is really exciting. And best of all... he truly deserves it.
How can I be so ready to be done for the year... and so sad to lose this group of kids, all at the same time?
Marc is also having some health issues right now. The doctor is doing a bunch of tests to figure out exactly what is wrong, and while he seems to be doing what he should be, it is a long process and we don't have all the answers yet. I feel really bad for him, and I'm a little worried about it too. It hurts seeing someone you love in pain... and I kind of get the feeling he has been downplaying it for a while, which makes me sad too. I need to not worry about it and trust that God has it under control, but that takes a lot of strength in spirit, as odd as it sounds.
If you are a praying person and you feel the urge, a minute or two in prayer for my family would be greatly appreciated.
The Author
- Niki
- I am a high school English teacher, and mother of two charming little ones of my own. I teach in a high poverty urban charter school, while I live in a typical American suburb that has frequently been rated one of the safest cities in the country. It is a paradox I struggle with constantly, but it is my life.
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