The Author

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I am a high school English teacher, and mother of two charming little ones of my own. I teach in a high poverty urban charter school, while I live in a typical American suburb that has frequently been rated one of the safest cities in the country. It is a paradox I struggle with constantly, but it is my life.

Monday, October 18, 2010

A Mother's Prayer

Dear Lord,

Right now, my 4-year-old is crying and screaming that he wants his bedroom door open. I shut it because he kept talking to me and asking for things after I put him to bed, and laughing when I told him to go to sleep. God, please give me wisdom of how to deal with his defiance.

My 4-week old is crying because... well, God, I wish I knew why. I fed her, I changed her. She only cries if I put her down, but Lord, I need, need, need to get some stuff done around here. I haven't cleaned up dinner yet, and there is stuff all over my living room. We are having people over tomorrow night. God, please help me get this stuff done and please help her stop crying. I don't know if I can handle her crying any more, but I don't know if I can handle just holding her and staring at this mess any more either.

God, I still have 15 papers left to grade and only a few hours to do it. Lord, you know how stressed I am right now, and I know I should trust in you and not worry, but God... there are an awful lot of things on my plate right now.

God, I really need some time to get it together. I haven't changed out of my pajamas yet today, and well, it is almost time for bed again. My shirt is covered in dried milk because I never bothered to change it, and I'm pretty sure I smell like spit up. God, please help me figure out how to get a break.

Lord... I know that you will provide all that we need, and I really, really, really need some sleep tonight. I can't handle another night like the past two nights.

God... he's still crying and now he's yelling, "Mommy! Mommy!" I think I might break. I don't know how much longer I can do this Lord, but what was that Proverb from church yesterday... something about a child who gets his own way breaks his mother's heart? Or is that how my brain is remembering it right now?

I am missing the parenting seminar at church right now, and although I really wanted to go to it, maybe sometimes you just want me to learn by doing rather than by hearing... because I think the title was "Parenting beyond your capacity," and I am most certainly beyond my capacity. Time to step in God, because I can't do this on my own.

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